Oh dear...

Submitted by Sab (United Kingdom), Jul 26, 2017 at 07:44

Dear Myla,

I know exactly how you feel, but I honestly don't think anyone can genuinely advise you as to what you should do next - or advise anyone else who submitted their story on this forum.

I do agree with you 100% though that you cannot carry on like that! The problem is that your heart does not want to let this go so easily. However all I can say is DO NOT ever try to force your feelings to change. That is the worst option that anyone can choose...

These things will take time whether we want it or not, but it is individually vary how long it will actually take to really move on. In my experience the minimum is 3-4 years to be able to feel "live" again if you were very deeply scarred, but of course there could be something left behind that will never go away...

I don't want to depress you with all this, so all I would advise you to care more about yourself and less about your (ex)husband. Sooner or later he will not have a choice and will have to make a decision how he actually feels and what he really wants... Then the truth will come to light.

But of course at the same time you need to make your choices too. The only thing is important right now is that you do whatever suits you best! Do not try to make assumptions as to what he wants or how he feels - it cannot be speculated.

Leave it as his problem and focus on yourself only. It sounds like he is not worth to even think about at all - that is only an illusion..!

One thing I would definitely not do if I were you - if you don't feel like you are ready for another relationship then do not force yourself into it! On the other hand if love comes along then do not let it bypass you! It is tricky - I know - but you will know what to do when it happens.

Lay back and relax for now and let him worry about things. You can also try to ignore him or if he insists that he loves you and wants to stay with you then without letting him to live in the same house with you, start testing him heavily - see what happens. You have nothing to lose!

I hope this helps a little.

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