I understand You very well Cynthia

Submitted by Nadia, Apr 11, 2017 at 18:04

Hello, I'm so sorry about all that has been happening in Your life. My deepest condolences Cynthia. Loosing a parent is extremely hard. I am in a similar situation as I live far from my retired but still working mum. My mum cut her career short and retired in a MENA country to go back and nurse her old parents. She wanted to take them there with her but my grandma didn't want to go and live there. In MENA, Balkans and other countries it is the norm children care for old parents and it is a shame to send a parent to a nursing home. Only childless people with no cousins, nephews or other family end up in hospitals and nursing homes. I am not even sure this type of institutions exist there. My mom was an only child and had to basically wait on her completely normal and quite healthy parents 24h a day and forgo all social life. I am an only child and my mom's family raised me. I sometimes cry when she tells me on the phone she is lonely or goes on about neighbours and friends who have their children and family around. Or that she is scared the cat will starve to death if anything happened to her. She speaks French but does not want to come to live here plus I'm not sure my husband would be keen and we have no space with a teen boy and a teen girl who need their own rooms. She is still OK, works part time, travels a lot, especially to MENA countries hahahahaha she so loves, but is not getting younger. For the time being I can't relocate there. I know how hard it is. My grandmom specifically asked not to be taken to a hospital and not to be reanimated. It broke my heart when my mom called to say she is in a coma at home and she died there surrounded by extended family that same night. We respected her will. She just went for a nap and was gone. Up to the end she had all her brain and the local shopkeeper was telling me she was calculating her shopping bill quicker than the calculator.

If You have time You can read Book of my mother by Albert Cohen! Nothing beats the original Le livre de ma mère written in French but the translation is really good. All his books are good but this one is my favourite despite never having won a price (La Belle.......... did).

Yes, rats do not care much about other people time and problems. This is why I don't care about theirs. Very simple and works great. Nursing care is very, very expensive for Moroccan standarts. Only the very rich or foreign pensionners can afford it. I think he thought You pay the nursing home and You don't work on top of it. He maybe felt he was loosing attention and money. That is why he was upset lol. Cynthia, Your brothers and You did the best that could be done and I am sure about it. Don't worry about it. Your mom NEVER hated You, believe me! She hated the state she was in and the fact You were helpless and couldn't lift her off that state. We all get old or not so old an die. Death is part of the life cycle. Take care of Yourself and Your close family and friends and stop waisting time reminiscing about the looser You dated. He is not worth the effort. Greetings

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