Empathyse with You...... and how to..... find peace

Submitted by Nadia (France), Mar 23, 2017 at 00:51

Hi Adeline,

The situation You are in is awful. The bad part is You are in love and the worst is You are in love with the rong person. This person does not match Your expectations and Your friends and family's mentality so the chance of having a long term relationship are null. Zero. You can't exchange Your set of friends with a new, more accepting bunch and You can never change blood family.

You say he studied business management, has been an officer in the army and has left all this in order to study, work and have a bit of fun in South Africa. Why did he choose a military career? It's a very unusual profession for somebody interested in business. He then packs it all and comes to study? work? What type of visa does he have.......... if any? It sounds like big fat lies to me. Egyptians lie a lot, for everything and without being in need to lie.

He comes to Your flat and talks and also has sex with You. Of course You never go to his place. How convenient for him plus talk is cheap. I would never open the door if I was You but then I'm not. Would You like this arrangement to continue and for how long?

The chances of You two marrying each other range from 0 to 100% depending on how stupid and naive You are and how crafty his family is. He found You a virgin and that makes You a very suitable wife. In no time You could produce lots of Muslim kids and then...... who knows. Lina already told You there is no dating in Islam and I second her statement.

Sex - are You using condoms? If not, please, firmly refuse sex with him. Any sex, not just vaginal. You could get an incurable STD from reckless behaviour. Most Egyptian men do not know what a condom is. I strongly advise You to start using condoms if You desire continuing a sexual relationship. Getting the woman pregnant is a way to a quick marriage they need for settlement visa. Otherwise why would his family and he come to South Africa? How many British, French, American army officers will leave a well paid promissing career and come to work and study in South Africa? Do You know of any? That speaks for itself.

I, like Neptune and Lina think this relationship would be best ended ASAP but given Your corcumstances I don't think it would be possible. Bear in mind these men can become very violent if what they want is refused. You'll have to find a way to talk Yourself out of thiss hell. You can tell him You are confused and want to stay alone for a while. Also, it is best said Your family will not accept such a marriage easily so he'll have to be prepared to wait and prove his worth that is at the moment close to zero. He has no situation to support a Young wife and kids. You can start asking money, presents and stuff like that. Arab girlfriends do that. If he tells You it is not the way a relationship is conducted in his home country You can answer back sex is not the way either. Start going around the financial and economical part first! This is what gets 90% of MENA users unlikely to pursue but never offended as in their own countries it is normal for a woman to seek a comfortable life.

Stay here for a while and all the best

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