To ANNE

Submitted by Nadia, Feb 19, 2017 at 22:26

I feel Your pain. The worst is not knowing... ........ Well, at 32y it is time to get married. Pakistanis marry their sons even younger. I think there is a very, very strong possibility the family arranged a marriage. Pakistanis are a gerontocratic culture and a man has no say in marriage matters. He just marries who the family elders choose for him and that is it. I honestly do not think he ever seriously considered You a possible marriage partner even if he liked You very much. He just does not have any choice if he wishes to remain in contact with his family. In Pakistan the wife's family offer the couple a huge to European standart dowery- about 60000£ I hear if not more. Unusual for Muslims but true. In Islam the man paus a mahar to the wife. His family will never forgo such a profitable match. Pakistani and Bangladeshi men have double life when possible. Not many girls will accept them in their own homes without being able to go to to theirs. This is one of the reasons they are not very popular with girls. I lived in London for over a decade, studied with them, worked with them but never went out with a man from the subcontinent.

I do not think he is a scammer as he has never discussed marriage with You and has not promised anything or used You for some personnal gain. It is just the reality of his personal life and it is hard to understand and stomach. It will be easier for You than for him. You have more choice and opportunities and You are free. Would You want Your kids to be born and bred in this athmosphere? Will you be willing to live with such a cheat AND his whole family? I wouldn't.

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