my personal experience

Submitted by Hamza (Morocco), Aug 30, 2013 at 10:05

First of all, I was looking for information on leaving a car in Morocco for a few days, when I came across this article. However I really feel your story, that is what made me take the time to reply to you, which is not something I would normally do. I am sorry to hear about this experience with a Moroccan man who is also a muslim that comes from my CIty. I felt really sad for the reputation of my City and for good Moroccan men, like myself and people that I know. It does not mean that your experience is a general one, even though sadly there seems to be many stories like yours.

I am sure I would know this man by face, as I have been to the roof top terrace bar and also I was a coach of windsurfing in my free time from studying, and Essaouria is a small city. I left Essaouria a few years ago, to obtain a higher education and diploma. I first met my English wife in Marrakech and we were only friends for 1 year. I decided to go to the UK and study and also to experience her culture and family. I decided to do this before I took any next step. We have spent a lot of time together travelling in UK and Morocco and we both gained good relationships with our family and friends. So after a few years I realised that I was in love with her and decided after a lot of thought to ask her father to marry her. We married at this time and have to admit we have had many issues to deal with, all of which are quite normal in a new marriage, especially when two cultures mix. We have and are overcoming these problems and have become closer due to these.

My wife and I are both from good families. As a Moroccan man, I am very saddened to hear that men from my Country behave in such a way to decent western women. I am not a muslim but my wife and family are and I have been brought up in an Islamic family and am aware that this behaviour is against all islamic teachings.

To answer some of your very heartfelt points, You mentioned that marriage was discussed immediately, obviously this should have been a a time when you should have realised that maybe he was not being honest with you. I spent many years with my wife and time with her family and culture before I could have even thought about this, as you know marriage is a big commitment and something which is a life decision and not someting to be discussed in the beginning. As soon as I read this part of your statement I knew something was wrong.

The point regarding the business partnership, did you not wonder why he had not already done this himself, he could have got help from the bank as he was employed at this time. Alarm bells should have been ringing in your head. Even though I can understand that at this time you were probably in the begiining of a loving relationship, and perhaps this clouded your thinking at this time.

As I mentioned before my family and my wife have a good relationship, in fact this was one of the most important factors in my decision to marry her. My wife had her own relationship with my mum and my sister and I can assure you this relationship blossomed due to their love and understanding of each other as women. I can understand that you felt that his family liked you because of your financial support and gifts to them. It is not a necessity in Moroccan families to always give gifts and my wife and I have only brought gifts once after a long term journey. My family do not expect this from my wife.

I totally understand your feelings but am seriously not understand that when you found such disgusting images on your PC you did not realse that this man was not for you. I can assure you that I do not and have never wanted to watch this kind of material and definately did not need this to learn how to be a man in bed with my wife.

I also dont understand why he gave up his job, and at this time you must have known that you would be the provider. At times in a relationship there is a shared responsibitly financially and maybe this was what you decided. If this is the truth then you cannot complain regarding this to be honest. Also the point you made regarding the luxury life style, I can see this mans personality in this, did you not discuss with him about renting a smaller place and not living such a luxurious life while he was not working? personally if i was him at lest i would have insisted in staying in cheaper, clean accommodation, this is what I would call not taking advantage, did you not think about this? Sorry to seem to be criticising you, but there has to be some realistic views.

I think that within this relationship there were many factors and times that showed you what kind of man he was. You found out late and wasted some 4 years with him. Perhaps there is many lessons here for you and him. I only wish that you had named him and also put up a phtotgraph so I can know this shameful man. I feel that his behaviour and the behavious of other moroccan men, affect the reputation of good and honest Morrocan men and I can only apologise and hope that western women learn from this. I am also glad that many people are coming across this site and I have the chance to put my opinion across too. I remain a very happily married man to my lovely and beautiful English wife and hope to live a long,happy and healthy life with her and our family both moroccan and english. I also wish you to find a wonderful honest and good man to spend your life with.

Signed off a very happy moroccan married man.

Best Regards

Hamza

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