Stupid stupid me!!! They never change...

Submitted by Becs (United Kingdom), Jul 9, 2013 at 04:45

Well I am feeling very angry and upset with myself for falling back to my Egyptian guy..

I wrote on here several times after living out in Egypt for a year I decided to come home as couldn't take things any more.. My Egyptian ex at first was loving and romantic but after months the controlling side of him started I couldn't talk to men in work or in the supermarket he would get into physical fights with men in the street who made comments to me.. Despite the last post I am not an older rich woman only 4 years difference and it was not online.. But after living in Egypt I saw so much that I thought I can not live here as was used to so much better and feared schools and hospitals are not up to scratch along with the isolation I felt.. Well my problem started when after months of being back in the uk and no luck finding any other relationship my mind kept wondering back to the happy times we shared.. He was so sweet and romantic and treated me far nicer than anyone else.. So I forgot all the bad things stupidly.. Anyway I stupidly went back on holiday to see him as my heart was wanting him.. It was the fairy tale I hoped for and used to be.. He met me at the airport with flowers rented a nice apartment which he payed for..

We had a lovely few days together and I started to feel I still love him so much why on earth did I leave.. He made me feel like a princess..... But then on a night out he showed me his true colours which I have seen before!! We sat in a bar and ordered drinks, some guys sat next to us who were just on holiday and asked what the cocktail was I was drinking and just asked where is good to go out etc.. I politely answered and tried to involve him in the conversation as I felt very anxious knowing his blood would be boiling... When we got home all hell broke loose.. He was swearing and shouting at me after hours of this him telling me I didn't respect him because I talked to these men.. He packed his bag to leave me alone.. I went to leave to and he violently grabbed my arm and pushed me back inside.. He did this twice and raised his arm to me threatening saying "don't make me do something" I thought he was going to hit me do I said I would call the police.. He laughed in my face saying they will do nothing as you are mine!! At this I felt scared knowing he is right so I sat back down feeling vulnerable.. The argument calmed down and I went to bed crying wishing I never came back to Egypt.. I had 2 more days of holiday although I should have just changed my flight I felt embarrassed to go back home early as everyone would judge me! The next 2 days he was perfect again I couldn't get my head around what happened.. How could he be so different and treat me like the love of his life one min and his enemy the next!! My head was mashed up!! He strongly believed I caused all the trouble as I know he gets angry when I talk to men and I should not have done it!! I returned to the uk and should have ended all contact then but no!! I didn't I believed that he never hit me so maybe I over reacted blah blah..

Then the next few weeks we talked on Skype as usual.. But then he was going out and not answering my text msgs for hours and never answer his phone or some excuses.. So I questioned him as he does me and he goes all angry and crazy again telling me I don't trust him and he doesn't need life like this with me!! He swore at me very aggressive and closed the phone.. I tried to call him back but he had turned his phone off all night so I was left in tears wondering what on earth has happened.. And why the hell am I chasing him..

But he made me feel I was the crazy one that I was the one who was jealous and caused this break up.. But he always did this to me and I went running back probably because I had nothing else in my life!! But despite the tears and feeling upset I also felt angry and very very stupid as could see his games or his behaviour so much clearer and enough was enough!! I blocked him on Skype I deleted all pics of him and deleted all his contact info!! Of course I feel very hurt he ended things so easily after 2 years in total.. And hasn't bothered to contact me.. But I also feel stupid that I didn't run at the first sign of almost violence in Egypt let alone what he did this time!!

I am lucky he never hit me as it could have been worse..

What does all this say about me?? I have become so weak and vulnerable over the years believing he would change making allowances for him due to religion and culture which was a big mistake!!! It has been only a week since the last contact and I am trying to stay strong!! Life is very hard and I have to move on before I waste any more time.. I could have been married and stuck in that dirty country with no friends or family.. I pray I will stay strong and get on with my life as I have already wasted enough time and tears on someone who will never change his behaviour., he can do what the hell he wants.. But dare I try to speak and have an opinion or a life and it all comes tumbling down and my romantic man is just a distant memory...

Stupid stupid me!!!! Becs

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