UK and Egyptian Man

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jul 5, 2013 at 23:23

Can I ask why is it women are writing about the bad stories they have encountered with these men albeit men in general not just Egyptian.

They are trying to help others learn from their experience and some are just looking for answers.

The women were foolish enough to fall for all this in the first plae by giving money etc, also these women are not actually specifying what the problems are apart from that, what about how he sweet talked and the info he gave etc, none of which I have read and in my mind leaves a blamk page, either that or im thick.

I think you're being thick-headed here. You need to ask yourself if you are in this because you like being with someone different and if you'd give a British man the same leeway.

About a month ago, after being single for some time from an horrendous relationship with an English man as im English too,

This how it almost always starts. A woman gets into a bad relationship, a bad living situation or a bad marriage, has a messy break-up/divorce and turns to the internet. Problem is that a lot of women on here are vulnerable and susceptible to manipulation and scams---and trust me, men who know the dating game can read that like a book.

a friend of mine said to try a dating site again as nowadays more successful relationships are based on that

They have advantages only if you know how to use them and how to play the game and if you keep it relatively local. I don't think you understand that a lot of people who resort to on-line dating are not really looking for something serious (especially younger people), want sex and a lot of times they are scammers or persons with psychological/mental issues and may also have related social interaction problems.

and I was sceptical at first as I tried it once before and had a Nigerian scammer which I spotted straight away and because I confronted him he told sent me pics of who he was and why. Anyway i went onto a site and witin a week of setting it up had loads of messages which I either answered or didnt.

So you're convincing yourself over the "I once was skeptical, but now it's fine" routine?

Initially when I wrote back to this person I had not idea what nationality he was but he was definitely in Britain with the pics he put in there, we started chatting on that site and exchanged skype addys,

This part is a little hard to follow as to who you are talking to, but if you're involved with someone who was playing the Nigerian scammer game, you're in trouble.

The other thing that bothers me here is you say "he's definitely" in the UK. How do you know that? In the USA, these scammers pretend

I had never used Skype and thought why not everyone else seems too.

Skype is a fine tool, but I hate to see this "but everyone else does" mentality.

He told me straight away that he was back in Eygpt for a few months due to some issues but is due to return to UK in August. I went onto Google to look uo Egypt in general and all I got was these horror stories which

I now wish i hadnt read because that makes my judgement harder

My guess is that you had these doubts before, and frankly you should have. It's just the biology of being a woman.

Do be glad you have read this. These on-line relationships are not always as easy people make them out to be. Talking on-line even by skype is a lot easier than in person.

and makes me feel I doubt him.

It sounds to me like you had doubt before, but you need to give yourself credit for coming on here and asking because ignorance sure is bliss---until years down the road you've realized you've made a mistake.

he is the same age as me and what seems to have no better time at relationships as me,

That's a textbook dating technique right there: using empathy and understanding you.

I have seen pics of places he worked, his home in Uk with friends etc. He speaks of times he went out and ended up loosing his direction and ending up in different places especially when he had drank alcohol,

There's no reason to dispute that content (unless he means while in Egypt), but I wonder if he's trying to get you to feel sorry for him.

This guy left Egypt 10 yrs ago and made a life in England no different to any other person be it Indian, Italian, Phillipines etc, and would go back to Egypt on annual leave to see his family, well who wouldnt.

So…are you trying to say the fact that people from other countries come the UK makes your relationship more real?

Because i read such diabolical stuff which clearly is also stereotyping them this has made it harder for these people to be able to be respected, out of the population of the area..

Well, if scammers and liars are going to scam women and those women are going to ignore their common sense because he's young, tall dark and handsome, we can argue all day as to whose fault it is, but that won't stop them from writing here or anywhere else about how bad men are and yes, they probably will throw in Egyptian, Iranian or whatever adjective to vent their anger.

But my concern here is you using such anonymous, external commentary to justify your relationship.

There's also another dimension here: your partner does not have to be a scammer for this to not work out. Cultural and other differences can be a factor as well or the relationship just may not work out.

What I can tell you is change any of the posts you read on here from man to woman, Muslim to secular, Egyptian to American or Russian, and you'd describe some of the scams and lies myself and other Western men have gone through.

This is a very lucrative and frankly successful business because they keep on coming and coming and pounding away. They negotiate, cry and angrily stomp their way to VISA's, money and marriage.

Interesting way to find true love.

I even said to this guy about what I had read even he told me about it and felt how some of them were being painted with the same brush but his words "" These women that are conned are probably 10 to 20 yrs older and gave them money the minute they were asked, what did they expect... really""..

He's right and they are. Just look at the stories on here. Divorced women who are 40-60 thinking that an on-line relationship with a man who is 25-30 from another country with different values is real.

It's the same way with First World men who are 45-65 and think that a Russian or Asian woman in her early twenties who could win town princess in most cities is seriously interested and in love with a balding, shrinking, pot-bellied man after a week or two of in person dating and mostly on-line interaction.

The problem in your case though is that scammers are frankly delighted to talk about how bad scamming is. It's kind of an old sales trick where the seller (the scammer) builds emotional parity with you by convincing you that he understands your POV.

It's actually quite effective.

Also, if they know you like them and you start questioning their validity, they might even threaten to leave you to get what they want.

When people fall hook, line and sinker for these, they give a lot of power to the scammer.

This doing it by the book.

his guy I have skyped everyday and we talk, I told him from the start if you want money for flights/ visas etc then im not the one as I just about make ends meet.

Skyping is no substitute for real-life. The communication in dating just isn't there. It's probably also another reason why you doubt this. You're not getting the communication you need. That's what happens with on-line dating and a big reason why so many people on here just can't be sure.

Well, if the relationship continues and you get married to him, he won't really have to worry about that at all. It will all come naturally.

With that he got all his british documents to prove he was legal, he said he didnt want my money as he is due to go back to his job in Uk and was interested in meeting up with me and moving forward from our past experiences.

He's trying to negotiate his way toward you. I don't like that idea and it sounds more like a business deal.

As far as money goes, they rarely ask for it directly. It's done more so to get you to feel like you have to give it by guilting you into it.

If anything Im having a hard time time to find fault as I have had respect and never had that before, nothing he says is of doubt.

If nothing he said was of doubt, you wouldn't be on here running this by us.

Of course you have doubt! You're a woman with feminine instincts that help you uncover male nonsense! That's how you were able to find out he was a scammer. And yet, you are still with him. Why? Because he's not English and you like the idea of being with someone different?

That will probably never get admitted on here, but it's an obvious reason why women on here (to further answer your opening question) will make all kinds of excuses from how these men are stereotyped to "who could blame them for wanting to leave". I even think Vietnam was brought up once.

They ignore the obvious and give free passes to their man they'd never give to the pot-bellied, balding guy next door because he's younger, from a different country, a different race or has a different religion.

I do like him and have developed strong feelings too and my heart is saying give it ago despite what I have read, my opinion as I stand is a british guy is no better neithe

I undestand the feelings you have for him. That's to be expected given his talent. But it's up to you to realize what that means and there is more to real, stable love than an elusive infatuation.

Well, let's face it: a lot of Western men are pretty lousy when it comes to women. Most of the stories on here involve women who were in previous relationships with Western men.

But all you are doing here is using bad experience(s) with British men to justify this relationship.

Bad idea.

If this relationship were good, it would be able to stand on its own merit. Being with a man you met playing Nigerian scammer (as I understand this to be) is a bad idea.

I understand why you are attracted to him and I certainly believe that he treats you better than any British or Western guy ever has.

But why do you think you're the exception and that he's changed?

You can tell him all you want that "it'll be over if XYZ happens" but he may be so confident as to not listen because he's got other prospects and you're still with him.

I think you can you better than this and throughout your entire post it's clear to me that you may be with him in part because you feel down and towards the "there's no hope for me elsewhere" side of things.

That's also a dangerous mentality, because if you have that distraction, you are more vulnerable.

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