Thank you all ESP Luna, STL, Gail and nibor

Submitted by Becs (United Kingdom), Feb 16, 2013 at 01:25

Thanks all of you for taking the time to respond to me and with such words of wisdom and good advice. For some reason STL I thought you would have been older than me ha ha.. But your point about me going back and taking more time out of my life to realise the same conclusion is silly and a waste.. And for sure I am not getting any younger and would like to have children one day if possible and this was one of the main reasons for leaving to be honest because I could run out of time if I wasted more of my life there!! You sound so very wise and full of advice to be younger than 32 but either way it's good advice so I thank you for taking the time to reply so honestly I will take note and get the strength to cut off all comms as I know this is necessary to move forward with my life!

Thanks Luna for your lovely words you truly are special and make me feel proud I have done the right thing which in my heart of hearts I know.. As luigi pointed out he is using my insecurity as a way back in... But thanks for understanding how hard it is also because as you say he never betrayed my love.. He never cheated or beat me it's just too much for me to live this life and culture.. It maybe would have been easier to cope if he did something bad but then I would never wish that on myself. I did go into the relationship open minded and didn't meet online but it was a holiday romance which seemed perfect at the beginning and maybe for some that life is ok. But for me the religion and culture became too much and as I say now I begin to doubt his intentions..

Thanks nibor also but I don't think bringing him to uk would help my situation for a number of reasons... 1 being as already mentioned it is no easy task any more and 2 I am not convinced the control or jealousy would be any easier and to have children would worry me as his mother on a visit in Cairo stated to me the children if we separated would be raised Muslim and remain in Egypt.. So even if we lived in uk I would live in constant fear he would take them back at some point as I have heard this happen many times!! It's time to be tough and cut off everything.. I am lucky only my heart is hurting.. I never gave up a marriage before I met him or lost thousands of pounds or was cheated on so in comparison to others my story is not that tough.. But in my defence I have gone out there and lived and embraced his life, culture and religion for just over a year.. Avoided as long as possible marriage and children as I needed to make up my mind which now I am so glad I did.. I see others not so fortunate who are stuck in a loveless marriage with children or just strong restrictions on their everyday life.. I have been going walking and exercising and trying to be pro-active to keep myself occupied.. So at some point I am sure the past will fade..

As you all mentioned its normal to feel like this and time will heal all I just need to be patient. Thanks so much again for everyone's understanding I will not return for a holiday as that would be stupid and taking me back to square 1.. One day I hope to find what I am looking for but I am in no rush.. As Luna said I have to clear out all emotion and bad memory first and be happy with me again..only then can I be happy with someone else. Off to do some deleting!! As tough as that will be its absolutely necessary.. Becs x

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