Hi Alicia and thank you

Submitted by N and S (Germany), Jan 30, 2021 at 15:33

Hi there. Thank you for your comment. You just wrote what I exactly feel....

But you know, i am not so strong enough. I just didn't wanna write all my story but your comment made me continue. After all the problems,that Egyptian man came to find me. He came to my work, my daughters school and my apartment. He used anonym number to call me a thousand time. And I denied him strongly til I fell for him again. I let him and chance to talk to play with my daughter and he left.
I guessed he just wanted to manipulate me and saw if I am still under his control. And I was so weak. I got frustrated and confused after that. Oh you know, he made me really scared. A feeling when I reallize I still have some feeling for him, and when I went over 6-7 months of crying, drinking, loosing weight...when I looked much better...he just wanted to come back and saw if I still had something for him.( His wife is still in Egypt. )

He said thousands of good words and apologies to make me open the door for him.... Then he left again and said He just wanted to be sure if me and my daughter are fine.!!! Haha. Ridiculous

That moment I really really realized how their character, manners and the way of manipulating. Its scary and those actions made me shaking. When I was in the worst situation, he left and when I got better, he came back. And I stupidly failed to stop him.
I shouldn't have given him another chance as I did.
But this time I am much better, Alicia. I started running, doing sport, spending time for myself and reducing my working hours. I thought working more will help me and help me to prove that I am not like what his wife insulted. But I am wrong. I dont need to prove anything to her and his friends or our mutual ex-colleagues

I still dream of them, those actions, his wife's messages. She did even insulted my daughter who is only 5 years old....
But I don't spend nights to cry. After many months, I feel that I dont look ugly as she said anytime I looked at the mirror. It is really a struggle, Alicia.
And you are totally right, I gained more when I left those behind. They are toxic people around me and I dont need to understand their manners, culture or prove myself to such people

Actually, I still need time but I mean my thought now is stronger. I change the way of thinking. Even I am 35 and a single mom, it doesn't mean I dont deserve to be happy and those are reasons for Muslim men to use and attack. Not me but they should feel ashamed of their action. And yes I believe in Karma....

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