Depends on what kind of marriage you celebrated

Submitted by Keira (Australia), Sep 5, 2019 at 15:31

Dear Arisa,

I couldn't be happier that you could escape from this abominable creature and that you received proper help here in our country. I hope you are much better now in your country, healing from both physical and emotional wounds. Being with your family has been a lovely and wise idea. You need now all the support and love you can get, my dear.

Firstly, because it would help more women probably, what he was talking about was the woman's dowry or jaheez, as they call it in South Asia. It is not written in the Qur'an, as in there you will only read about the Mahr, which is the payment that all husbands have to give to his new wife in order to marry her. However, it is Sunnah -and absolutely compulsory in South Asian Muslim countries- that women bring their jaheez which normally consists in kitchen utensils, air conditioning systems, electric appliances or whatever the family if the groom needs, as women go to leave to their homes and become a part of the male family. The topic about the jaheez is narrated when Fatima, Muhammad's daughter, got married Ali.

Sometimes in these countries the total cost of these gifts is far higher than the Mahr, which does not sound really fair, doesn't it? However, about women paying half of the expenses of the family, No, No, No. It is only the man's duty to provide with the money to cover all living costs. Actually, it is not only highly encouraged in the Qur'an that he has to do so in order to be a good husband, but also his duty, while women have to be obedient to their husbands, pray and fast, be in charge of the home chores and the children and, overall, don't move a foot step out from the house. So, he was definitely lying to you. Of course, the terrible things about the abuse you have suffered in this man's hands is what really shocks me and sad me, but I'm writing this in here because I don't want any other woman to be confused and deceived by the lies of these sucker monsters.

About the divorce: Did you get married in Egypt under the islamic ceremony? I guess this is how you both got married, so you must have signed in there just the nikah contract. If so, I have read some similar cases in here from women who did it in Egypt too and they never came back to Egypt to get divorced because this document is only valid in there so you would have problems in case you would want to remarry in Egypt again and I'm more than sure that you wouldn't do that again.

What is the case in Australia? Did you start any legal process to make your marriage legal? As he is looking for you and threatening you to sponsor him in any other country, I guess you didn't. He must be very desperate to believe you still can help him get out of his country. Thank God you didn't start anything. I hope someone else give you more light in this subject, but I think you can be very relaxed as you don't need to do anything if you just sign the nikah one. It is only religious marriage, so please CUT ALL CONTACT WITH THIS ABUSER. No more phone calls to threat you, no more emails or texts. Please, block him. If the God in who he believes really exists, I hope the hell which is described in the Qur'an exists for him exactly as it is narrated for what he has done to you.

Take care, Arisa. I hope you get well soon because what you have lived has crossed all the imaginable boundaries. Hopefully you receive more comments in regards to your divorce, but I think you will be fine, as long as you stay away of this man as you have already done. Cut all communication with him now and start a new life. You deserve it, my dear.

Best wishes,

Keira

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