To Robin

Submitted by Hope (United Kingdom), Sep 5, 2019 at 15:13

Robin, you sound like you are really going through it at the moment with all of this and everything you say and feel is the same as everyone else that has been through such an experience. It is awful. What you need to understand is that you/we are good people and because we have no concept of this type of behaviour it knocks us even more when things go wrong. It is devastating and breaks us! - for a time. We enter these supposed relationships thinking that they are genuine, we are completely open with our emotions / heart and we give 100%. What we do not know at the time is that we are being used as a pawn - both the male and his family are invariably in on the game and they are playing us big time. If the family were not in on it you probably would not have been introduced to them in the first instance and would have been a secret. It is normal to feel as you are, emotionally and physically used but in time this does get easier. It is a very hard lesson we learn from these experiences but it does make us stronger, less trusting I agree but hopefully it will lead to a better future because we then refuse to take no s**t from anyone. You/we have to live for now, nurture ourselves and seek recovery from simple things like being out in nature - we survived this awful experience and deserve to go on and lead a happier more contented life. There will always be unanswered questions because they do not ever tell the truth, their whole lives are a lie and they have no morals. They only think about themselves and we can analyse it until the cows come home. In time it will get better, truly and you will let go. You may never get an apology (would it be sincere anyway?!) but know you are a much better person, karma will kick in for them one day for sure - once they do not have the support of us decent people they have a hard time struggling in very low paid jobs (if they are in our country) and trying to support their family back home. They go home armed with gifts, money etc to show off but they have invariably borrowed it and are in debt even as they climb the steps of the plane. I know my ex never loved me, one of his fellow countrymen was harsh but told me straight "he never loved you, he used you for a visa", his family were in on it to better their lives but at the end of the day Robin you know and I know we are the better people - we would not do this sort of thing to another human being. Do not let this define you because you deserve to have a happier future once you have recovered or start to recover. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, there will be good days and bad days, cry when you have to, do whatever it takes to make your life better and take one day at a time. Get out there, look at the blue skies, the beautiful flowers growing, life is going to get better. I love this saying - and into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul. You will be OK, soon, honest and this will lead you to a better future. Take care.

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