Robin, I'm here for you...

Submitted by Keira (Australia), Aug 23, 2019 at 05:45

Robin, sure I'm praying for you. Moreover, I'm here in this board to give you the courage and the strength you need to overcome this. I truly know how you're feeling right now. I know because I feel like you... but I have seen the light and although it's still hard and painful, I know it's the best. They leave you like a shell. Empty and beaten. We lost our confidence, our pride, our self esteem, our sanity, our identity, as I said before. Family and friends. They get you into a non-sense spiral. They are the greatest partners at the beginning, and when they get you down on your knees dying of love, they start playing the silent treatment, the blame games, the gas lighting and what not. At some point, you even think that it's your fault. You doubt about everything. Am I right? Was I wrong? Maybe he is right. Oh, yes, he says he did this because he loves me... Then, you even ask forgiveness. They ignore you. Then, after a while, they come back. And they come back to hit you again. And so on. The cycle never ends. The emotional damage that they provoke us it is next to impossible to describe. But once you recognise what has happened to you and learn to identify the behaviours and the response they wanted to get, you magically start healing. Because now you are over them, not the other way around! You're in control. And now you recognise the reason behind your wounds. And as you know now what you really don't want to experience anymore, they lose their power over you. That's why going no contact is the best way to deal with them.

I am really impressed about how adept are these men, and I really believe is due to their religious upbringing. And yes, Robin, it is scaring.

Mine used Islam really wisely so I would eventually accept all the crazy commands that he would ask me. I educated myself on Islam and his very ingrained South Asian culture. So, I confronted him with all. And he couldn't deny. On the contrary, if I had loved him, I would have carried on with all, he said... This is why I really know what I'm talking about. He confessed it is right to treat a woman this way because we are inferior and our man has to lead us to the right path... Yes. You cannot go against his thoughts because they are always right. I complained thousand times about the silent treatment and its consequences and he dared to reply I deserved it because I didn't obey him. I couldn't give a single step without permission, but he could have a second wife and I would not have had a say. Where is the compassion in this religion?

Their cruelty has no limits. And they are equipped with tons of patience. Sabr they call it. Therefore, time does not matter at all for them. Allah will provide... :(

Believe me Robin, you can go through this. You just need to believe in yourself and keep going ahead. Seek for professional help if you can (counsellors trained on narcissism syndrome, as not all can help us to deal with what these men leave behind), but the best cure it's letting all your pain go out... and enjoy those little things that I'm sure you left behind because of this man. Go outside, treat yourself, play your favourite sport or start new lessons of another one, listen to very powerful music, read books, go out with your friends and family as much as you can and divert your mind to only positive things. I don't know if you can post here your email, but I'd be glad to write you, so you can vent all those negative thoughts with someone who really has gone through a similar process.

Be patient with yourself. Don't blame you because as I said before, we are not stupid, we are empaths. And that's exactly what they are looking for to get what they want. The perfect preys and target women. Love yourself and keep going because this is temporary. Slow process, but temporary.

I'm here, dear Robin.

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