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Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men

Submitted by Rowan (United States), Nov 16, 2018 at 19:59

The man I met is from Morocco, has been divorced for a few years, has one child and is a citizen of a nice European country too. He's well educated and intelligent, and of course very easy on the eyes as most of them are. He has his own car, paid for most of our outings, and paid the first months rent on our apartment that we moved in to together.

But I can't get a handle on his emotions. Sometimes he acts very cold and distant, and when I bring it up he says he's fine, but I know he's not. I was fired from a decent ish job because he wasn't very considerate of my sleeping schedule and after hanging out with his guys all night, he'd then want to spend time with me, and we'd be up until around 3, and I would turn around at 6:30 and get up for work, so of course this impacted my punctuality and work performance and I was canned. He says his attitude and how he is with me, is all my fault and that I bring it on myself. I have video chatted with his family and his parents who are lovely. I can't think he's using me, at least not in the beginning, he paid for everything, though of late my resources have been drained. But he told me that again I knew that he didn't have much money because he just came over to here to study and get away from his past life, which I have been more than understanding of. Maybe he wants a visa? But surely he could've picked someone else, or would have left me and started over.

We began dating in September and moved in together at the end of October and then married at the beginning of November. There was a couple of times he threatened to leave or told me it was over and the last time I called his bluff and told him to pack up his stuff and leave then, to which he said he would do that when he was ready and I said no, he would do it now. He talked to me and said we should take a pause before making any quick decisions and asked if I had 20 bucks, to which I said, "No, I have zero. I'm broke now." and his response was, "Perfect."

Practically every night he goes to his friends house and stays there late and I told him I was getting tired of how he's treating me and that what he's doing is unacceptable, once or twice a week is fine, but every night is not. He said it's fine because he's the man and I said whatever. Last night when he left he said bye and I ignored him, then when he left I looked the bedroom door. When he rolled back in around 3 and knocked on the door I opened it and he was irritated and asked why I locked it, I didn't respond and got in bed. This morning as I was doing my hair he came into the bathroom and said good morning and again I ignored him. Then as I was leaving he asked where I was going, I gave a quick answer and left. He was gone when I came home but all his stuff is still here, he even took his wedding ring and one other ring that he likes to wear, but it just feels like he's doing that for show. Last night he also talked about honor killings.

My Mom wants me to be done with this situation, she says he's trying to break me down, that I'm not really an equal partner to him and he sees me as property. She's worried and at this point I'm emotionally, and mentally exhausted. I changed his name in my phone to 'DOESNT LOVE YOU' that way I can get a nice reminder to help me when I think of him.

I truly felt like I gave my all to this relationship and he's just spit it back in my face. I'm trying to be strong about it, but it's like everyday I did something to disrespect him, and he has extreme paranoia and misplaced jealousy. He also blamed me for my ex grabbing me and trying to kiss me. He told me it was my fault for going into his house (we have two children together and I was picking them up) and getting cornered in a room. That really tees me off when I think about it.

Strength to all the other women on here who are going through tough times, I know it's hard and it feels like healing is forever away, but that day will come. Each day that passes it will get easier and this episode in your life will pass and it won't hold onto your heart anymore.


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