I feel your pain Lorna. I understand.

Submitted by Michele (South Africa), Oct 10, 2018 at 15:27

I'm not sure if you remember me but I was and still am in pain over leaving my Moroccan love, Hamid. I have posted a few times on this site and once specificly to you Lorna. Let me say, it took me 8 tries to leave my MENA man and each time I got sucked back in because I listened to his beautiful words. As a reminder I am 52 and he is 27. Last time I posted he changed all his social media profile pictures to ones of me and him. After this, I eventually left him because I was hurting so much from thoughts that he would leave me for a younger woman. Then he called and called and called. I caved in again because it felt so good to be with him. I was so happy with him. So like you Lorna, I eliminated my pain over and over again by getting back together with him. 22 days ago I changed my phone number and am now in another country so that was the end. He can't contact me now. Also, like you, Lorna, I am in pain every day. Some days are really hard. However, I had so much to lose if this didn't work. My life would be destroyed and I can't take that risk. You shouldn't either my friend and sister.

I understand why you want to marry your man. Believe me, I too could eliminate all my pain today if I got on an airplane, flew to Morocco, and got married to Hamid. But this is short-term thinking. In the long run, and thinking logically about the situation, this would never work out because of our cultural and age differences. And Hamid has only been kind to me, said our age doesn't matter, he doesn't want children, he doesn't want to live in America, etc. Again, thinking logically, his words can't possibly be true.

Please, Lorna, try to separate your emotions from the logic of the situation. Understand that this can't be real. And I know it feels real. I feel that myself even now - like it's real with Hamid. But when I think about it LOGICALLY, it just can't be true. Further, if I was wrong about the situation, I would be totally gutted, and I don't - no, make that CAN'T - feel that way.

Lorna please think through how this will play out over 5 years. Go through the steps in your mind. When I did this, the whole situation seemed ridiculous. So I understand how you feel. Really I do. I know the love addiction you feel. I am going through withdrawals but I need to do this if I am ever going to get over Hamid.

Lorna, you can post here everyday if you need to. We are here for you! If you marry your man and it doesn't work, come back to the forum. We will still be here.

Hugs to you,
Michele

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