Response to Preshant

Submitted by Sandy, Aug 27, 2018 at 11:03

Hi Prashant. My name is Sandy that was a typo on my part. Thank you for your response. I have indeed pondered about some of the things you mentioned here. I should have prefaced that I am American by birth but spent most of my formative years in a 3rd world country and grew up and lived amongst muslims, even though I was raised christian by a christian ministers. Go figure I am now atheist. So I am familiar with muslim beliefs and customs. The ones I grew up with are nothing like whats portrayed on TV and the media. They are still some of my closest friends till today. Anyway see my responses below.

1. Why the guy has no respect for Sagi's atheism and won't allow the kids of the marriage be raised as atheist?
This conversation came up because I asked him. He said he would like them to be raised the way he was raised. While this may be an issue to the average person. It is not to me. Him raising any children we may have as muslim is no big deal to me. I was raised Christian because that is what my parents felt was best for me. I grew up and decided it was not for me. So maybe this child might want to remain muslim or not at the end of the day it will be their choice when they grow up.

2. Why is Sagi's belief in atheism so shallow that she would let her kids be different from her.
Refer to answer to 1. It was a 2 year journey for me to become and atheist. I was 40 and was initially agnostic, but 2 years later I acknowledged that I am an atheist and do not believe in the man in the sky and have been ever since. So no my atheism is not shallow in any form. It is not important for my children to be atheist like I am. I have children from my first marriage that are not atheist. They still go to church on their own. So it is not important to me that my children and I believe in the same thing.

3. Why the question is that she can convert to Islam if she wants to or stay the way she is? Why isn't the question that he can become an atheist if he wants to or stay the way he is.
I asked the question to him if I would have to convert to Islam and that was the answer he gave me. Again it is not important to me what he believes in as long as he stays in his lane and I stay in mine we are good. He knows that me converting to anything is never gonna happen. Ever...

4. Does he consider polygamy bad or he wants to keep his choice about getting more wives open?
One of the first questions I asked him because I did grow up around muslims. The ones are know some have multiple wives and others just have 1. He does not want multiple wives and non of his family members have more than one wife. His father only married his mom and his brothers who are married all have 1 wife.

5. Why is interested in getting a wife via social media when so many good Muslimas must be available right where he lives?
The same reason why I am on a dating app looking for a relationship. I guess. He is not interested in a muslim wife in particular because like you mentioned he can get one from where he lives. His last relationship was with a catholic woman. They would have been married except he found out she was already married...

6. Will he want Sagi to move to his conservative homeland or he wants to migrate to Sagi's homeland.
No I am not moving to his conservative country. I have made that very clear. Plus he said the life style change will be too much for me. He will be the one to move here if things do progress to that kind of relationship. Since he does have a STEM degree from England (verified) and has worked in the STEM field he will find work here.

7. If he wants Sagi to move to his conservative homeland, why is he not worried about her lower status as a dhimmi in the conservative homeland.
See answer to question 6. He does not consider me "lower". He personally respects women. He knows I am a feminist and supports feminism. We are friends on FB so he knows where I stand on female issues and I know where he stands.

8. If he wants to migrate to Sagi's homeland, how does he explain the fact that no Muslim really wants to live in an Islamic land if a choice to escape to other countries is available.
Well he has lived in a western country before. His choice to go back to his Islamic land was his mother who still lives there. She is terminally ill at the moment. Also we haven't had the conversation as to why "no muslim really wants to live in and islamic land". Maybe I'll bring up the subject with him.

9. Is he a citizen of the conservative homeland? If not, will he continue to be a non-citizen for the rest of his life? Why?
He is not a citizen of the conservative country he lives in. And will never be a citizen. Because they do not grant citizenships to foreigners only in some specific circumstances which don't apply to him. Mostly their men marrying a foreign woman, then she gets citizenship I think...

10. Is his outlook democratic when it comes to Pakistan and his chosen country or he thinks that Islamic countries can be theocratic while every one else must be democratic.
He doesn't have an opinion about Pakistan since his never lived there and has only been there twice in his entire life. Once to bury his father and the other time to take his sick mom back there. His outlook is democratic from what I know about him till date. I guess only time will just have to tell.

11. Can he spell hypocrisy and knows the meaning of this word? I'm assuming this is just sarcasm so no answer here... :)

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