To Lina

Submitted by Jennifer, Oct 23, 2017 at 21:53

I had a Lebanese guy friend for awhile (about a year). His younger brother was trying to marry a woman 13 years older than him. This brother was handsome, educated in America, funny, and very charming. I told him that he would regret marrying someone so much older if he wanted a lasting marriage and a family of his own. He kept insisting that everything would be fine; she was attractive for her age; he didn't want kids; etc. A few weeks later, I was sharing my concerns with my friend, and he said, "This woman knows what she's getting. She played around during her marrying years, had two kids, and now she's alone, and she just wants to have fun with a hot, young man now." I insisted that this wasn't the case. I said that she probably wanted lasting love and happiness, not to be used for a green card. However, he was completely adamant that the woman knew, deep down, that his brother wasn't going to be with her forever. In the end, the younger brother listened to me and did not continue with this woman.

However, a few months later, we were having dinner together, and he told me that there was no harm in marrying a woman for papers. He explained that he would get papers, and she would get a man to take care of her for a few years. I told him that the woman could have used those few years to find a man who would be with her forever. Once again, he did not believe that there was any harm as long as he "took care of the woman," which I assume meant paying the bills, having sex with her, and I don't know what else. I used myself as an example with him, and explained that I didn't need a man to take care of me.
I could pay my own bills and have sex with a man if I wanted, so how would a green card marriage benefit me?? He couldn't think of a response.

Also, my former friend, the older brother, told me that he had sex with five women back in his country; two of whom were married. He basically lead these women on and love-bombed until they slept with him, and then left them and never married them. He ruined one of the women's marriage because she left her husband and moved back in with her parents, waiting for this guy to marry her. If he would do this to women in his country, then of course, he has no qualms about doing it here. Maybe it helps a little to know that it isn't done just to Western women.

I don't know if this answers your questions, but it seems like these guys genuinely don't feel like what they are doing is wrong, or even when they know it's wrong, the woman deserved it because of course he didn't love her or didn't want to marry her, so it's her fault for not seeing that. It comes down to what people keep saying here. They think we know in our gut that it isn't real, but we're willing to ignore that and let ourselves enjoy it for a little while.

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