Facts vs assumptions

Submitted by Shömi (United States), Oct 4, 2017 at 12:52

Dear Luhx,

"Some people would rather live in a really pretty lie than to face the actual reality that is right in front of their face."

You made a very good point. I've always wondered about my own ability to overlook flaws in men I loved. Whether it was excessive drinking, bad temper or unanswered calls, I always responded with benefit of a doubt. I'm sure there is a healthy territory between being naive and bitter, where we don't get hurt as much but create beautiful unions... I however can be paralyzed by the idea of missing it yet again.

Upon a few life lessons, in case of my Moroccan, I was able to walk away in time. I based my decision only on subtle notions of incompatibility and somewhat uninformed third party advice. I stuck to my instincts regardless of his attempts to convince me otherwise. My decision was smart, but didn't make me any happier. Uncertainty was killing me on the inside for months if not years.

Closure came unexpectedly three years later, with zero investigative effort. Apparently this world is small enough for me to run into an Italian girl who dated the very same rat. Oddly enough, they've met when him and I were still living under one roof. He made plans to marry her while declaring his feelings to me daily. There was no pain, but relief in learning the truth... (Haha, especially the truth about funeral of his three cousins who died suddenly, and I somehow never felt bad about it!)

I usually don't believe in stalking, breaking into private accounts, provocation, etc. But it's in our human nature to look for logic. Fake account might be the shortest way back to reality, where puzzle pieces otherwise didn't fit together. Nothing heals faster than hard evidence. In my case at least it was not the relationship that drained me, but the aftermath. If my answers came earlier I could have avoided the drama altogether.

Luhx, also, I hope you were not referring to investigating your own husband... I always believed in your romance and admired your transparency. I hope you're still an exception to the stories told on here.

Wishing you much happiness always,

Shömi

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