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A Crazy Start to the New Year

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men

Submitted by Lmew (United States), Aug 22, 2017 at 10:33

I haven't updated in awhile so I thought I would come back and share some details.

January I had a breakdown (I have long suffered anger and depression issues) and of course as most people do - we take it out on our loved ones. Sadly my husband has dealt with this for the years we have been together. I have not been shy to admit here that I have struggled due to my past. My husband has always stood by me , but decided he needed time apart while I got into the therapy I needed. I never realized how much my anger was truly hurting him.

We spent February - July apart from each other. He got his own apartment and I went to therapy three nights a week. I am still in private therapy, working on issues from my childhood and finally learning a healthy way to communicate which in the past I have been ashamed to admit... that I didn't know how.

We are back living together again, and things have gotten so much better. When we have an issue with each other, or if one of us feels a certain kind of way we bring it to the table and discuss it. If it is something that we both get too upset about, we "table it" and come back to it at a later time. I am learning that our different cultures have determined a different level of communication that is needed. I don't fight low anymore, and he has learned that sometimes he just needs to be able to cry about some things without trying to "fix" me.

I am not sure that I shared but I have permanent nerve damage in my back due to being beaten almost to death by someone I was in a previous relationship with. It has been very difficult to be on and off medications that should help, and dealing with chronic pain has also furthered my depression and mood swings.

I will say that my husband has handled so much, so well but will not lie when I say I did push him to a breaking point this year. His parents are coming in September to stay for a month, and I think that is going to be great, I love them and miss them so much. We are also planning a movie early next year when our lease is up, because I have family close to where we are now and now that I am in consistent therapy we are thinking about starting our own family next year.

I just wanted to provide an honest update. I don't share very much with my friends for fear of judgement so this is one place I can come and be completely honest. Being apart from each other was extremely hard. When we finally decided it was time to move back in together, it felt like finally coming home. All the pain, tension and sadness from being apart went away and we got back into the normal (now healthy) swing of things.

I guess it takes knowing that you could lose someone to really re-evaluate your mistakes. My husband has taken his own share of the blame because he felt he should have come to me sooner before things reached a breaking point but now that we are working on the right communication from both sides, I don't think we will face such an issue again.

So the update is: We had a rough start to the year, we have worked things out and are back on track. No marriage is perfect, without flaws, or pain. Ours finally caught up to us. I can tell you one thing, they were the worst months of my life, and I know he felt the same.

Our issues are not really uncommon as many marriages suffer this and not just the kinds we discuss on here. I am just grateful that I have found someone who is willing to forgive my faults as I do his and that we know that our marriage is worth always working on.

So, 2017 is finally becoming a year of understanding, peace and a renewed commitment to each other.

Submitting....

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Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

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