Escape

Submitted by Lina (United Kingdom), Jul 30, 2017 at 12:59

I still read through the comments now and then and I've been thinking about what it is that makes these men so hard to resist... I realised that in a way we romanticise them... we in fact fall in love with their exotic backgrounds... the spices and temples. It's an escape. Ask yourself, would you fall in love with this same guy if he was living down the road?

With his backdated clothing and tacky chat up lines?! I'm guessing most of us would laugh! But because he's from this faraway land, away from all our problems, and from the land of the pharaohs... we become obsessed!

Women are drawn to mystery and unavailability... most of us also have maternal instincts. So when we encounter these guys, who are exotic, unattainable and usually financially struggling... it ticks all our boxes...

Anyway back to your comment. Something that is very clear to us on this blog, is that it's almost impossible to know someone's true intentions. This can even apply to our nearest and dearest. All we CAN do, is go through lists of red flags, touch wood and hope for the best if anything. My main concern about your situation is obviously the huge age gap. Of course in the beginning the differences are what add to the excitement... but as the relationship progresses these same differences can become a catalyst for all kinds of problems. Long lasting relationships have a nice balance of excitement and familiarity. If the differences are too great, there will be conflict and this will be your downfall. This is why most of these types of relationships fail to make it past the first stage or even a holiday fling.

I've been on the opposite end of the scale, as the younger party in a relationship... and in the beginning the age gap was a turn on... but we were both at difference stages in our lives, socially and emotionally. The only thing that will keep you together is the sense that you couldnt possibly be with anyone else.

I would say, that the majority of these intercultural relationships don't work, mainly because of these great differences, and also the effort involved. A great deal of patience and effort are needed for them to succeed. Thus, both parties would need to have a great deal of maturity and integrity as well as very strong feelings for each other. If the strong feelings aren't there then it's just not worth the hassle.

Love does not happen that quickly. Also bear in mind that at 21, he is nowhere near old enough be able to hold down a mature relationship. I'm not discrediting him, but he's still emotionally developing. All the best.

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