Don't fall for it

Submitted by Angela (United States), Jun 27, 2017 at 18:37

I have been coming to this site for a couple of months now. I am married. I do have an Egyptian Facebook friend who requested our friendship through a mutual friend. We both know geology, and he is studying to be a geologist. The problem is not with this friend. He has been very respectful, and all we do is talk about college, geology, and culture. The problem is that one of my Egyptians friends found me because I commented on a post.

I didn't think anything was wrong with accepting his friend request. I figured, "Yay, more cultural learning!" Boy was I wrong. I will tell you that my marriage was practically over at that point. My husband was distant, drinking heavily, and I was getting ready to seek divorce. At first, this new Facebook friend Mohamed, tried pursuing me. I told him I was married, and he agreed to keep it as friends. Crisis averted I thought. The next week, he pursues me again. This time, I vented to him about my marriage troubles. Big mistake!

Somehow, he convinced me that he cared and that after my divorce, he would come visit me. He did flat out say that he wanted nationality in America but he also wanted to marry me for "longevity". I went through all the motions with him. I explained that this was all too fast, that I didn't know him, I explained my concerns about all of these stories that I've been reading, and that I would agree to meet him if he came for a long vacation here, but I would not decide on marriage unless I felt there was a true connection. I also told him there would be a prenuptial if there was a marriage. Of course he agreed to EVERYTHING. He was definitely very convincing. We continued an online romance for 2 months while I decided how I would divorce my husband.

As time went on, I tried 3 times to end it with him because I wanted to work on my marriage. Each time, he pulled me back. I could not understand why myself, an independent, strong, and attractive woman in my 30s could be so easily swept away like this. I have never felt the NEED to be loved by a man. I was certainly not looking for love either. But here I sat obsessing over this handsome, romantic, and sweet exotic man, who is 12 years my junior, like a schoolgirl. I finally did have a true realization that I did not want to divorce my husband. My husband has been sober and taking great strides to be the love of my life again, and I had been ignoring him for some stranger on the internet? I woke up! I ended it with Mohamed, and blocked him from everything.

Of course I felt bad for Mohamed. I also was left with a gaping hole in my heart. People say that online romances are more difficult to heal from. It is true. We create this perfect image in our minds of this person, when in reality, we don't know them at all. We convince ourselves that it is the real thing. We begin to ignore all of the red flags and excuse them as cultural differences.

I told my husband about the affair. I had to be accountable. I also told my husband that I still had feelings for Mohamed. I told him about all of the horror stories I read about and how I wished that I knew for sure that Mohamed was talking to other women like he did me. It would be so much easier to move on and heal if I knew that he was just like these other Egyptian men I read about.

So my husband secretly created a fake Facebook profile as a middle aged woman. He friend requested Mohamed. Within 12 hours, my husband had a marriage proposal from Mohamed. He also had many romantic words said to him. My husband showed me, and I was extatically happy! I instantly feel mostly normal again, and my husband has forgiven me. We are ready to move on. So, we both took a selfie together while "flipping the bird" and my husband sent it to Mohamed through his fake profile. It was the best last laugh.

I encourage all of you women to try this. If he is playing you, your fake profile will get hits from him. If he is true, you may just find out.

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Daniel Pipes replies:

Quite a story, even a parable.