Soulfully confused

Submitted by Aussiegirl (United States), Jun 26, 2017 at 23:15

Picture this... May 2016 sitting in a bar with some friends, one had met a nice irish man on tinder... Knowing I had been single for 7yrs and focused on health and career, the girls said go on tinder.. I was adamant and it was a no, I didn't want to meet someone online... Anyhow I went to the ladies room and by the time I got back the girls had set up a profile and I was online.... I am from Australia and was in Ireland at the time, so after a few drinks the girls and I scrolled through, took little interest and once I worked out how to delete the app I did so... approx. 36 hours later...

A man from Morocco had managed to find my facebook profile and added me, I was like oh well he's on the other side of the world, no harm can come.. He was genuinely interested in my travels, not sleazy and seemed relatively normal. He did push me to meet him for coffee, but I declined.

A month or so later and he asked if I knew any nice western ladies as he wanted to find one, anyhow somewhere along the line a few months later we started to develop feelings for each other. I had just booked my trip for the next year and was heading back overseas, he suggested that we meet up and travel for a week, so I added a week onto my plans to spend with him and see what happens.

Within a few weeks it felt to me like he started to not call so often, not message so often, but every time we spoke he was always reassuring me he was excited that I was coming, in saying this we had gone from calling each other 5-6 times a day to 2-3. We had some disagreements and every time I raised how aloof he become, he come good for a few days and then he would fall off the band wagon again.... We used to talk on messenger, then he wanted to change to wattapp and/or IM or viber.... I am a very busy person and often forget to answer my message bank for a few days so all these new apps was getting confusing and I couldn't understand why he needed so many....

I started to have a lot of doubts with him, he went to France to see his family for 2 days and not contact me at all and say he had no service.. made no sense to me, or he would tell me on the day he was off to Dublin and again I wouldn't hear from him for 2 days.... But if I was going somewhere he suddenly become attentive again and want to contact me night and day.

I grew tired of it and said to him in November, if your boss will let you take a week off and you didn't have to pay for a flight come to Australia in January prior to our week in May, I needed to eyeball the guy and see if he was genuine or not. He said his boss wouldn't let him take the time off.... Then his boss closed the restaurant for a week in January... I was so confused, why didn't he come over, we never resolved it, I just got used to letting crap go.

Anyhow along comes time to head off on holidays.... I had 4 weeks with friends before meeting him and I had sent a message as we did each day to each other, one day he sent back i'm busy which is fine I was often busy, I said well I will talk to you in a week, well he can't have been too busy he had managed to friend 3 single woman on facebook but didn't have time to contact me. So I asked him how do u have time for 3 single woman but not me.. he said they are friends.... who knows again, I just go sick of arguing....

About 4 days before he was due to arrive, he says his dad is sick and he might have to head home earlier than planned, I was like you know what maybe it's just not meant to be and you should head straight to your dad, he was adamant no he wanted to meet me still, in fact at any point I said I think we should just go our separate ways he was defiant and said no. So our 8 days turned into 4.5. Turns out when I met him he was shy, very shy. We had dinner that night and he met the people I was travelling so as to be sure he wasn't an axe murdered or anything... The 2nd night we had dinner and each night he was determined to drink, I really didn't care either way, but he wanted to have a drink... Anyhow we are sitting in a bar and I said ok for 12 months you have been saying you will tell me everything in person, so what is it you need to say.... Turns out he'd been married before twice... Over the past 12 months I made myself very clear when I said I didn't want to if I could help it marry someone who had been married before, so why he waited 12 months to tell me I have no idea. It's ok to send a picture of your penis, but not ok to tell me he'd been married, seems strange to me..

So after the 4.5 days where I was totally confused it was like meeting a whole different person who was quite formal and liked to spend time on the ph talking to his friends rather than dedicating his time getting to know me and making sure he had a siesta from 2-5.... Now the other thing is he come with little to no money at all, so he borrowed some from friends and even had his boss pay him in advance... but never contributed other than the drinks at night... I knew he didn't have much money and told him it's not a bother, but when we hit a souvenir shop and he spent most of his wages on gifts for his family (I will never really know) I would have thought he might think of me at some point... Even a photo of us together, he was like no I don't like photos.

anyhow fast forward 2 weeks home and here was the biggest surprise ever... I was pregnant, now this is the 1st guy in 8yrs I have been intimate with and when I told him he congratulated me (again felt super formal) and said your going to have a Moroccan baby. I said take a moment and think about it..... Mind you within days of him leaving he said he spoke to him mam and told her he wanted to marry me and got her blessing. So at this point I was like ok, this might be a surprise but it could work.... 2 days later apparently it's haram and his family won't accept it and he cannot marry me. I said how come, he said cause he's not divorced.... Another surprise I thought he was divorced, apparently I mis heard... he's only separated.... He said he can't marry me if I have it, so I said that's ok your choice is made, now I get to make mine.... anyhow I lost it a few weeks later and I let him know thinking it's the right thing to do and in the same sentence as him acknowledging it by saying he swears his upset, he throws in my family have some issues... Family first, I get it..... But if your going to choose your past over your future then you will never have a future right?

Anyhow since then I asked him ok so all this stuff has happened, you live there, I live here and do we think we can survive... The cost of him getting a visa to stay in my country is $7000 so we really needed to be on the same page... The response is i'll come to you, I love you and want to marry you. now before anyone gets excited, he has a EUR passport/citizenship and a irish passport/residency so it's not the visa he's looking for.

In the past 3 weeks, we have gone from talking or messaging each day and each night to him skipping days and then saying hi like no time has passed and the part that annoys me the most is I can see he is online, so if it's good enough for him to be online to other people, why is it he can't contact me, when he does message it's I'm tired and so busy... and what is with the sleep.... do all Moroccan men need to sleep 12+ hours a day.... The last call was on his Friday night, he said I just finished work, I am heading home and will message you at 12 or 1230pm before I go to sleep. I said ok, now I am not waiting by the phone, but I do keep an ear out for it as I know that might be when he will call. So by Sunday I was pissed off. I simply sent him a message saying please do not contact me, your letting me down and I am over it.... I sent this on Sunday afternoon, he was online 1hr after I wrote it and several other times, but he chose Monday night to not only ignore my message but then proceeded to ring me I ignored it and then he did it again this morning... is he thick or does my opinion just not count... Which part of do not contact me did he not get.....

So I just don't know. I own my own company and my work is very busy, but I always clear my schedule for him when he contacts me and he professes that he wants me and we will be married, but I just get the feeling it's only to appease him mam, after meeting him I understood him better and liked the person I met, I wondered how much bullshit he told me online because honestly I think he is incredibly shy and more reserved in person, but I wonder if now he just thinks oh yeah she is going to marry me so I don't have to try anymore otherwise why keep it going but at this new pace of snail.... I just do not understand and it annoys me the 1 guy I pick in 8yrs turns out like this.

I have no kids, I come with no baggage, own my own business and car and assets. My only crime here is being too nice maybe. I held out for 8yrs hoping that I would meet someone who stacks up and meet me on my level, they don't even need to come with as much as I do as long as they want to build a future together....But I won't be anyone's door mat or take 2nd or 3rd or 4th place...

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