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Ahlen Ladies, Please Be Cautious and Guard Your Hearts

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: I came back to the forum because I saw the comments

Submitted by Jordana Ghannam-Ahmed, Jun 8, 2017 at 01:47

Ahlen to everyone here; I have posted and commented many a time on here and my advise hasn't changed at all, but I see there is never a lack of women being affected negatively by online romance scams and hustles right and left!!

It's is far from an exclusively MENA problem and I don't want to give credence in any way to the belief that all MENA men are categorically bad or incapable of being excellent husbands and fathers and partners and providers, becauee that simply isnt true. However, that being said, men from these countries HAVE had alot of press and publicity AND there is the added appeal for women of having a handsome man who is different from what is locally available to her. Many of these women I find are perfectly loveable, intelligent and attractive women-far from a "throwaway" or past their "prime" so to speak. What they do have that is different from the women who haven't been scammed/attempted to be, is They typically have either a self worth/esteem deficit (could be lifelong, or newly struggling; could be due to weight or appearance issues or perceived issues, lack of healthy friendships or family, no string spiritual or religious beliefs that they adhere to in times of difficulty, uncomfortable with being alone-either literally or in terms of a romantic relationship, lacking any activities or hobbies that they enjoy and make a priority, or not experienced in being independent and assertive due to a recent rejection) and/or they also have experienced a recent loss or life changing event that has injured them emotionally to such an extent that they are incredibly vulnerable inside and their heart left completely unguarded. And the sad reality is, women do have a thing for the "bad" boys or risky or exciting relationships-At least some of the time, this desire can be and is fulfilled by a partner who underneath his dangerous appeal is in reality a very loyal and loving Sig other/husband. I am not suggesting that anybody settle for someone they aren't attracted to or that is order to get a keeper/husband material, you have to sacrifice excitement and sexual attraction! A solid and healthy relationship and nerdy, uninteresting or effeminate guys are NOT mutually exclusive btw!! Lol.

As a MENA woman myself I can attest to the fact that good ones exist but western women with no familiarity with the MENA culture are not typically the best judges of good character and moral uprightness in a MENA man. The same would probably be true of myself and a Western man if I were so inclined, and it's easy for bad qualities or red flags to be excused or overlooked for a time when the excitement prince charming factor is off the charts and the physical attraction is overwhelming. This is where my standard non negotiable rules come in: if you just adhere to these rules exactly and you lose the guy, I xan assure you that you were just saved a huge headache and heartbreak!! If you are truly with a MENA guy worth his salt, he will be happy to move heaven and earth to show you and these rules are ingrained in his belief system. These aren't all, but a few of the most key ones:

1. DO NOT ever EVER have sexual intimacy with a MENA man before marriage-EVEN if you are "engaged anyways", EVEN if he is not a virgin himself, EVEN if he wants it and assure you that its diff and special with you, DONT be so easily fooled!! MENA men will not have pre-marital intimacy with the woman he intends to make his wife for life (hes waited this long-if he's morally upright and as pure himself as he expects of you-so of course it goes without saying that he has the willpower and patience to do things the Honorable way and not use a girlfriend as a means to satisfying HIS needs and once he realizes he can have you sexually and/or DOES, he will never consider you as a serious marriage prospect. I know to western ears that sounds like crazy talk but let me assure you -its the reality of the way we were brought up. And I'm not trying to come off as holier than thou either I'm human I have my fault and insecurities and have been hurt before in relationships but I have been blessed with a healthy and Godly marriage to an amazing MENA guy and had I handled him like and American guy and acted like a typical characteristic Western girl, our marriage would be doomed, period. So basically, keep your legs closed to put it plainly and crudely. :) 2. I dint care if his wallet was stolen on the way to the restaurant leaving him short for your dinner date or dude lost his job and took a big $$ hit, a MENA man WILL NEVER be able to live with himself if a female pays for ANYTHING while out with him, it's a hospitality provider type of mentality-and for anyone who finds it g offensive that MENA men don't let them pay or are always showering them with gifts they dint need or have the money for themselves, it's not about control or insinuating that you are helpless and require his provision; quite the opposite-hes proving to you that he is a contributor, that he is keen to carry his own weight and make selfless sacrifices of his time and or money for the sake of a very special relationship and the girl he shares it with.

That's a start anyways...

Submitting....

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