Trust your gut when you want to end it

Submitted by Willow83 (United States), May 12, 2017 at 18:35

I met my sexy Middle Eastern Muslim man through work. We didn't work at the same place, but we had mutual projects. From the first moment we made eye contact, we had amazing sexual tension. A few months later, he professed his love for me. I spoke to him tenderly and explained that he didn't love me; couldn't love me after on a few months; it was only sexual tension/adrenaline/chemistry.

The next time we had to work together, he gave me the silent treatment, which should have been my first sign that he was not someone that I should have in my life. I mean, who gives someone the silent treatment when doing a project for work??

The next time we worked together, he was very sweet and talkative with me. He told me that he couldn't marry me because I wasn't Muslim. I was like, "Umm...ok...wasn't planning on it."

Two or three weeks after this, I had to text him from my personal phone about a meeting change in the morning. After that, he began texting me quite frequently. I'm not a big texter, but I enjoyed the attention. We had a fun and flirty dialogue every day. I constantly had to tell him that he wasn't in love with me, and I wasn't in love with him. Over time, our texting became more risqué and included video-chatting, sending sexy pics, etc. We eventually had an amazing, passionate, pleasure-filled night together. Then, the next morning he told me that he loved me and he couldn't have sex with me again because he could never marry me or be with me. I was totally fine with it. I texted him that night to let him know that I respected his decision. I also joked that I had been right in the beginning...his "love" was only sexual tension/adrenaline/chemistry, and now that he had conquered me, he had to move on. I laughed that the "too in love with me" was only an excuse to get rid of me.

However, he continued to text me and we continued to meet up periodically outside of work. The sexual tension between us when we were at work was out of control. Then, out of nowhere, he blocked me on WhatsApp. I texted him to tell him that it was fun being his friend and goodbye. He responded in shock, and said that he only blocked me on WhatsApp because he was getting jealous to see me online when I wasn't chatting with him. He begged me to keep being his "friend" because he didn't have anyone else to talk with in America. Like a sucker, I agreed. Oh, and I remain blocked on WhatsApp.

I won't bore ya'll with the happy times, but flash forward two months, and he, his brother, and good friend came to my house to meet up before we all went out. I was wearing a tight-fitting peplum dress. He pulls me to the side and tells me that my dress makes my ass look fat...literally, that's what he said. He continued on by telling me that I needed to start running or doing something to make my ass smaller. Thank God that I know I have a hot little body, so I didn't let him get in my head and make me feel bad about myself. However, after that, I did not initiate texting or chatting with him. He finally reached out a few days later, and now looking back, I realize it was because he needed a ride to the airport. He had been pulling away for a few days prior to his visit to my house.

*side note, his friend from Jordan who came to the house when my ass was too fat started texting me and asking me to lunch, so that's a whole other bizarre situation.

Anyway, my guy wanted to spend the day with me before he went to the airport. We had an amazing day, and I felt like I should end our relationship before I was sucked into it anymore, especially since he was going out of town for indefinite amount of time (bizarre); had been pulling away; and had insulted me (something I would never tolerate from a partner). I told him that since we were only friends with benefits, I had accepted a date invitation with another man. I told him that it would probably be a good idea for us to end whatever we were doing, since we were never going to get married. I reminded him that I still needed to find someone to marry me, and if I was sneaking around having sex with him, I wouldn't do it. He acted completely shocked. He said that he would still want to have sex with me if he was married. He said that we would never find someone who loved us as much as we loved each other and we had to continue what we had.

Fast forward 10 days, he comes back into town. I asked if he wanted to come over (already breaking my vow to end things, I know), and he does. However, it's weird. He's watching TV when we're having sex, and the next morning, he doesn't finish during sex. In the car, when I'm driving him home, he says that he doesn't like having sex with me, and we need to end what we're doing. I'm sitting there thinking, "What the actual f**k!" I had just tried to amicably end things with him 10 days earlier, and now he was going to be a total jerk and break things off with me AND tell me that he didn't like having sex with me. I was in shock.

I had been on this site when we were together, and I remember women posting that you really have to block these guys when you want to end things, and I just want to reaffirm that advice. If I had followed through after he blocked me on WhatsApp or called my ass fat, then I wouldn't be here feeling like a dummy right now. I wouldn't have had to endure the cruelest comment on my sexuality. I know it's hard because I was in your shoes, but trust me. If you end things, make it final. It's like they lose respect for you when you don't follow-through with it. I am a very cute, 33 year old professional, and I never thought that I would have to endure this kind of crap from any man in my life. I also feel stupid for thinking I could have so much control over the situation with him. How did he turn the tables on me? And why did he do it? Thank goodness, I didn't have it nearly as bad as some of the woman on here. I'm already dating again, and when I stop thinking about the cruel things said by my Middle Eastern man, I am actually happy.

Oh, and his 23 year old brother here on an F-1 visa is planning to marry a 39 year old woman to get his green card. If you are named Jennifer, live in Santa Fe, and know a Zidan, dump him immediately.

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