To Pam re Control

Submitted by Melissa (United States), Mar 21, 2017 at 14:50

Hi Pam, I hear you! When I met my husband, initially the plan was for him to come to the United States where we would both work. Over time we really thought about the quality of life we would have in the states v. Egypt. Obviously the US has cleaner cities, bigger living spaces, better driving conditions, more money, etc., but neither one of us wanted to live a life centered around work. Also, he has a nice big family which is very close, whereas mine is not so much. I admit I was surprised that he didn't want me to work in Egypt, and I did see it as controlling. His reasoning was that I would likely be best matched with a government job or at a university, which would be demanding and would have me coming in contact with a lot of not-so-great people. As I mentioned, I am really fair skinned and have light blue eyes, so I don't even like walking outside without an escort because of the looks I get. Going to work every day and dealing with that isn't something I feel like I am missing. In the States, I went everywhere alone of course. I worked at a bar, took classes, road trips, you name it. I just don't miss it. We are hoping for children soon, so I wouldn't want to work after that point anyway.

I guess the best way to answer is that perhaps it is a bit controlling, but I am consenting to it. I think adults in consenting relationships must always decide what is OK with them - some American husbands may want their wives to avoid dressing in very revealing clothes, going out late to bars, talking to other men, etc. Some American men (like my father, for example) also don't want their wives to work. I think it becomes unhealthy or dangerous when a woman wants to do something, but her husband refuses it to her. If I really felt that I wanted to work outside of the home and he said no, it would be different. But, he told me before I even came he preferred if I don't work outside, and I agreed to that. I still freelance at home and make a decent amount of money.

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