Finding balance

Submitted by Shömi (United States), Feb 11, 2017 at 00:57

Dear Broken Heart,

This board here is the best place to start healing. You posted a very solid message, describing your emotions and motives in a genuine way. Please accept our support, but most importantly, hear your own voice. The voice of intuition and logic. Your heart will catch up soon. It will get easier when your mind and your heart align.

Relationships like yours proved tragic to most of us here. They are like candles burning on both ends. The more time, energy and passion invested, the harder it is to accept the dead end. These men are not equipped with spiritual values we expect of them. Some want to give all, some very little, some are better actors than others, but in the end they simply don't have what we need. Likewise, I think it takes too much sacrifice from a Western women to meet their demands. The few of them who made it work paid for it with their own souls.

There is no reason for you to be jealous of an Algerian girl. Your ex is not looking for a girl better than you. He is looking for someone obedient and submissive. Someone who would be willing to overlook all his imperfections and potential abuse, produce children and accept whatever poverty level he will provide for them. You are not this person and neither am I. I value my independence from men. I like them as partners, but not as unquestionable rulers. There will be a day when you thank yourself for the decisions you've made.

With all due respect to Viraj and others who recommended the book by Rosemary Sookhdeo, I suggest you research it on your own before buying (published under two titles "Stepping Into The Shadows" and "Why Christian Women Convert to Islam"). I personally was greatly disappointed with its content, as I found it generic, poorly written, factually shallow/inaccurate, and heavily tainted by the religious orientation of the author. Our romantic incompatibility should not lead to condemning the entire culturally diverse world of Islam. I'm still curious of cultures and beliefs different from my own. Reza Aslan's "No God but God" was by far the most insightful and neutral source of information on Islam for me.

Dear Broken Heart, grief has its stages, and there is no doubt your pain will transform and eventually go away. Be patient and don't forget to always be gentle to yourself.

Best Regards,
Shömi

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