Good Advice.... But...

Submitted by LeMew (United States), Sep 16, 2016 at 10:47

1) Avoid those who work in the tourism industry or who have access to a lot of tourists. He should be working though somewhere. Not all are bad of course. I am just saying it will increase your odds if his work has nothing to do with tourism. At minimal, try to meet men elsewhere other than at a tourism setting.

RESPONSE: I actually would have to agree with this. I've read so much and seen so much of this ending badly for women in general. I am sure that there are some men in that industry that aren't scammers BUT I would be very wary. My husband was very successful with a great job in Finance when I met him. When he came here to America it was on a tourist Visa, not a K1 fiance Visa. He brought enough money to support both of us during the entire immigration process (including all fees associated with our lawyer) and my money from my job became MY money. He paid a high dowry, and bought me a beautiful wedding ring. Of course not all men can be wealthy, but they should be bringing something into the relationship financially.
2) Observe carefully his active listening skills towards you and others. If he interrupts too quickly, doesn't ask you and others questions about the things you and others are saying, etc, etc .

RESPONSE: I would suggest this about all men, haha. Patience is another important factor. I would advise against marrying anyone with a quick temper regardless his religion.
3) Monitor carefully if he is able to admit errors without a ritual dance of denial.

RESPONSE: My husband quickly learned to apologize even if I was the one that was wrong, haha. Although when we did have a serious argument, he would go silent for awhile until he thought he could actually have a discussion with me as I tend to be the one who REFUSES to be wrong. I think it's a give and take, there are a lot of people who hate being wrong. I am not Muslim and you have to really try to get me to admit my wrongs, which is something I've been working on during my marriage.
4) Make sure he is absolutely against the idea of Muslims marrying 4 wives, even if he is a Muslim.

RESPONSE: I am not sure about this. My husband knows some people who have more than one wife, and they are very strict Muslim. He does not believe in this himself, but he isn't disrespectful to anyone who chooses that life. I did address that with him though before we met the second time and I think this is good advice!
5) Test him via your communications with other men in front of him. Does he tend to get jealous if you speak to or have male friends, or does he get frazzled if you speak nicely and give friendly attention to other men around him?

RESPONSE: This is a tough one. I agree, but there is a very distinct cultural difference that women should understand when marrying a Muslim. They do view relations between men and women very differently. My husband did have to get used to the fact that I had two best friends who are men. One gay and one straight. There was some contention at first, however we talked and talked and talked and shared our views and eventually came to an understanding. You do have to be considerate of the fact that your Muslim man probably is NOT used to MANY of the things you are and vice versa and you need to find a comfortable way to deal with that with each other.
6) Perhaps at first show minimal interest at living together in another country. Show more interest in you wanting to stay in Egypt and carve out a life together with him.

RESPONSE:I am not sure on this. I don't think you should lie about anything. I straight up told my husband that I would not even visit him in Egypt. I would not move there. If he wanted to marry me he had to leave his job, his family, his friends and come here. For him this was a big sacrifice but for my own peace of mind, I did not want to leave where I had built my own safety net in America, especially considering my prior relationship three years back.
7) Observe his religious beliefs whatever those are. It doesn't matter what the belief is, just note one thing: can he humble himself to the truth that he might be wrong about what he thinks he knows or has been taught.

RESPONSE: I think you should respect each other's beliefs but I would advise against getting into debates with anyone regarding their religion. I surely think you should learn about how deeply they are involved in their religion and what they would expect of you because of that but I wouldn't actually be confrontational about it.

Although I do think you have given a lot of great advice, I just think there are happy mediums to everything. Every relationship is different and while you should be educated about your partners religion I don't think that is much different from marrying ANYONE. The big thing seems that this forum has many women who have never met their partner, have insane age gaps, are sending money to these guys or are finding out that they are one several dating websites/talking to other women and so on. Which obviously - We really don't need to give advice on that right? Lol.

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