Loose Thoughts

Submitted by Shömi (United States), Sep 15, 2016 at 14:12

Forgive me a lengthly post.

I always felt there is people more qualified to write here, but today I just need to vent. First of all, I love this forum. Straight Talk Luigi, Cynthia, Hope, Chumpita, it's just a few of many I would like to personally thank for being here on the worst of my days (2014). Negative is the reason that brought us together, but you had nothing but positive message for me. Scammers somehow never got involved in our conversations, but outside observers sometimes do. I noticed lately some myths surrounding this forum which is what made me want to clarify some things.

"Not all Muslims are bad". I look at people as individuals. Many of us do. As a matter of fact as an artist I've been greatly influenced by Islamic art and culture. I spent about 6 months traveling alone through small towns of Morocco. I don't claim I know it well. But I stay close with Moroccan families I met on the way, my Moroccan relatives and a few Lebanese girls I collaborate with on projects. It's been wonderful, dependable relations. Not to be tainted by one bad apple. For those who happened to disregard the mere existence of women in the Muslim world, beware. The new, progressive generation of Muslim women tend to be confident, well educated, sensual, caring. True to their values. Way ahead of their men. Your Muslim boyfriends telling you that local girls are worthless and greedy, it's like them saying "I drive a 1978 Fiat because I hate new Ferraris". It's a lie. And the old Fiat is you :(

I am neither "old nor fat". I will not brag here about my decorative values, because it's shallow. However, I'm going to mention that I've never had a problem finding a partner of choice. Since my teenage years I have been continuously involved in longterm relationships. Although they were not always perfect, I never had anyone break up with me. I was determined to be alone when I ran into my Moroccan. He had to CONVINCE me to give him a chance. His persistence was something I've never experienced before. I think it's important to remember in the context of this forum, that it's "them" who throw themselves at us, not the other way around.

It bothers me when people use epithets regarding us here, such as: "obese, desperate, lonely, unattractive". Aren't these less fortunate women worthy of one's love and honesty anyways? Which side are you on?! Plus, nobody ages worse than these once handsome MENA studs :P Hahaha, ever heard of 20 years older hubby on here?

Being raised in Eastern Europe I learned to distinguish scammers early. I can divide them into categories and subcategories even. (Observer described it perfectly just a few posts ago). Mine was what I call a "wishful thinker" (believing his own lies). He never truly understood our world nor the true value of our money, but as it turned out, he wanted his share. What destroyed him, his country, my former country and the reputation of western people altogether was sex tourism. By sex tourists I mean a group of undesirable, often perverted people who contributed to prostitution, pedophilia and greed all around the 3rd world. They will never share their stories on here, so please be assured we are NOT THEM. By logic, we are the exact opposite. It requires plenty of well founded confidence for a person to be unsuspicious of a sudden attraction coming from a good looking stranger. And an open mind to be undiscriminating against it. Scammers have their scenarios all mapped out way before even meeting their potential victims, so to blame us for the end result is just silly.

You are welcome to point out my mistakes, but spare the assumptions. These days many of us don't fit in the compartments according to ethnicity, age, religion, whatever. And it simply takes lessons to find our place in this life. I like to believe that I create my own situations. I'm mostly happy. I appreciate every day, my freedom, family, friends. I stand my own legs. I am a combination of an independent woman operating successfully in the modern world with traditional values brought from home. In other words, I cook (with love), keep my house neat (with hate, lol), but I also fix plumbing issues for example, train martial arts, work and always pay for myself. All a man would wish for... so he could stay on a couch, make himself a priority, give orders and take things for granted, haha. Still, I don't intend to change.

I was willing to share these things with my Moroccan as I found him appreciative of both sides of me at first. Instead all we shared was his misery. I was learning Arabic, perfecting my French, thinking how to arrange us to be together with least damage to our individual goals, while he did... nothing. Just sat there, either repeating exaggerated love phrases or applying pressure in the most sneaky, toxic ways. I realized we were lacking balance and decided to leave him. All along he was a highly skilled haggler, but love is not a fish market.

Don't get me wrong, it was a painful separation from the romantic part of me that believed we could be a perfect match (after a million sacrifices to fix HIS problems). This forum was my only support. Luckily for me, he later proved all of your predictions to be correct and I have no untold future to regret anymore.

Money is not a litmus paper. Loss is not always counted in dollar bills. If he asks for it that's a dead give away. But if he doesn't, it's not a proof of honesty. Mine paid for everything he invited me to, although I feel m secret commissions applied to everything else. We exchanged gifts often, but nothing obscenely expensive. During the relationship he never asked for money, but frequently bombed me with bad news. I refused to read the hints. Yet, he was willing to be swept away to another continent, like the obligations to his family did not exist. Well, unlike him I had a good picture of what kind of difficulties and disappointments he would encounter on the other side. I have my own perspective on life on immigration. My ancestors did not spill blood to build US, neither did I. Eventually I had to give a thought to tax payers who would have to support this guy (plus his relatives) if we went separate ways. Not a popular angle to look at the issue, but definitely to consider - backdoor immigration is affecting more people than one would think. There are youtube videos called "truckers vs migrants" from Calais. Not my favorite kind of entertainment, but worth seeing for they illustrate the determination of these young men very well.

I have a life. And a heavy memory of deceit at heart I carry for two years now. I feel I have an obligation to help others avoid it if I see a reason for concern. This is why I'm here.

Some said 90% of Muslim men are scammers. I would say maybe 5% of them are, or even 1%. But 100% of them are roaming on dating sites each day. DATING which is forbidden in Muslim world and often leads to immediate marriage. It's nothing but an arranged marriage with a possibility of termination. I will never advice anyone to go for such option.

I can be happy for others. But let me be the judge of what I think of your happy story. If this was a forum for people with weight problem, would you be here cheering how slim you are? Lets be respectful of those who need to open up in a personal matter.

Siobhan - thank you. I would never expect a complement on my English writing :D By the way, l am still laughing at Miss Universe Canada, you are a great sport.

LeMew - you proved me wrong on everything I ever knew about intercultural marriages ;) Hope you two just hit the jackpot.

Peace,
Shömi

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