|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Full Story about my Moroccan exReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Sheila (Austria), Jul 26, 2016 at 08:41 I have been reading this blog for a while and I have only very recently started commenting. I figured that in order to be able to really underline the difficulties of dating a Muslim guy, I could share my full story. I believe that it could interest more than one person, as I am actually born Muslim, and yet my story is similar to most other women here. In other words, this is just to show you that even when you have the same "religion", it's also difficult. This is my first time to fully disclose the full story to strangers. I am not a practicing Muslim and have been raised by very open minded parents. In short, I am just born Muslim. I got a bit acquainted with my religion when I was a teenager, as I grew up with people from all origins and I followed the peer pressure. I quickly distanced myself from it with time, as it was an alien culture to me. Today, I do not affiliate myself with any religion, but I do find comfort in believing that there is a higher power that guides us all in life (God). My story started in a department store where I worked for pocket money during the weekends. I was 18 and a student at the University. My Moroccan bf approached me and told me how beautiful I looked and quickly seduced me. I was young, beautiful I think (green eyes on a dark skinned girl, many guys fall for it haha) and he was older but so freaking handsome! The first month went great, plenty of seduction, sex, romantic cheesy times, the usual. First red flag: One day, during our second month of dating, we were in a bar, chatting, all happy. We ordered beers, like any normal couple. He went to pick them up for us. When he returned to our table, I realized that he was distracted and not paying much attention to me anymore. I wondered what was happening. 5 minutes after his return, he excuses himself politely, stands up, and before I could even understand what was happening, he was throwing a chair at a guy who had supposedly stared at me a bit. I panicked, gathered my stuff and RUN as fast as I could to a Starbucks nearby where one of my closest friends was working. I was shaking, crying, I couldn't believe the aggressive scene I had just witnessed which was created by "my" man. I told my friend everything. She advised me to let this guy go. After all, we had been together for like, what, 2 months? Second red flag: I went to join him in Barcelona, Spain. It was for 2 nights. I was 19 and by then I knew that I was in a toxic rotten relationship. Everyone knew. This is why I lied to my parents saying I went to some small village in the Swiss Alps with some friends. I really should have... My ex ignored me all night and didn't even sleep in our hotel room. He spent the whole night just sitting on the sidewalk in front of the hotel. The next morning, he came in to the room, we had sex, and only after did he finally open up: he was angry at ME because he said that it was because of ME that the guy "seduced" me. And I encouraged it with my slutty clothing (I swear to God it was winter time and I was covered), my slutty laughing and my eye-contact. He told me that the reason he did not sleep in the room was he was afraid he would have beaten me up if he stayed (nice of him, right?). He went on explaining how I can be forgiven by not dressing as "sexy" anymore and by not making eye-contact with men...which I ultimately adhered to. I mean, he was just trying to show me how to be descent, right? Next day, he orders me to tell him exactly whom I was with. I give him a list of names. He realizes the names of one of my brothers' friends who sometimes commented and/or liked my pics and posts on Facebook. My ex just lost it: he forced me to give him the number of this guy. I managed somehow to get it from my brother (who was actually soooo happy for me as he thought I was finally in to another guy – cute right?:-)). I found out – through that same brother, who was now pissed at me – that my bf had called my brother's friend and threatened to beat him down to death if he ever ran into him. It was one of the most humiliating moments of my life (although I had more humiliating times). My brother's friend unfriended me from Facebook (duh!), and I never got to know exactly what was said between them, except the threat. (BUUUUT... he was actually just looking out for me, I mean, after all, my brother's friend was insanely hot, so it's "normal" that my bf doesn't want me to be around him...) Fourth red flag: As I previously mentioned, I am not a practicing Muslim. So except for the few times I tried fasting because my friends were doing it, I never really did it. So my bf sneaks in to my parents' place in the middle of the night to chill with me. He is not very happy to be there and keeps repeating how haram it is etc... but we still end up having sex. After that, he gets angry at me: Indeed, according to him, I should have stopped him, a "good Muslim" would have never let her bf in at the first place, I'm a slut, whore, wasted goods, etc. The next days, he would come again to my place, same thing...till the end of Ramathan (and beyond, obviously). Fifth red flag: So one night, after one of our numerous daily fights, I dared hanging up on him. He tried calling me back but I wouldn't pick up my phone. So he starts texting me, telling me that he is on his way to my parents' place to kill me. Then he says that he actually won't kill me: he was going to come over, paralyze me and burn my parent's house down. And I would remain alive to see it and to always remember what he is capable of. I called the police, they told me that not much could be done with such threats and that I should call if "something happened" (I truly really respect all police officers, but at that moment I hated them so much...) On the verge of a panic attack, I wake my mom up and tell her what my bf said and that I was scared that he might be crazy enough to do it. My mother – my supermom – she took my phone, called the dude, told him to meet us for breakfast the next day. Her aim was to talk some sense into this idiot and – at the same time – tell him to never ever set a single finger on me again or she would do to him what he was talking about doing to me. The message got through (Yay mom!) But it lasted like, I don't know, not even a week, then we were back together, again. After all, he apologized, he truly knew he had gone too far...and he had finally met my mom! I was really stupid, I thought that because he had met my mother, maybe our relationship could really stabilize. What Bull Shit. I mean, seriously, in hindsight I tell myself how dumb was I to think that my parents would want to walk me down the aisle one day to this dude, after he had threatened to disable me!! Haha Sixth red flag: Now this chapter is the most important one to me. I truly grew after this. We had been together for almost 2 years. I couldn't breakup with him because I was terrified. Terrified for my life. He used to slap me from time to time (which was always my fault, so I forgave him, right?) and would grab me violently. I got used to it. He also used to rape me from time to time. Indeed, he would end up having his sexual intercourse with me whether I wanted to or not. But we were a couple, so it couldn't be rape, right? Stupid teenage me to think that. But it took the biggest humiliation of my life (as if the rest was not already humiliating) for me to finally wake up. As we were on and off our relationship, my best friend decided to introduce to one of her classmates, a medical student, Swiss, my age, nice, no religious views, etc. Btw my Moroccan bf was 8 years older than me. So I get connected to this guy (who would ultimately become my next bf for 5 years in a perfectly normal relationship before breaking up) and became slightly closer to him. At the same time, I was trying to distance myself from my crazy bf (or ex?). I ignored his calls for as long as I could, and told myself it would go away. But of course it didn't. One day, I'm going to my flat with my best friend and this new guy, it's 11 pm, and my ex is sitting in the alley of the building. I ignored him, my best friend says a polite "hello" and my soon to be new bf is freaking out as hell but trying to keep it cool. I had talked to him about my ex. He stayed at the bottom of my building for at least 3 hours (my best friend left around 2 am) and my new guy friend stayed with me all night because I was scared to death. Fast forward a few weeks, I'm now almost officially with this new guy. I'm hanging out at the university, with him, and my crazy ex arrives. He sees red. He punches me than puts me on the ground. Than he punches my new bf and gets in a massive fight with him that ends up with my new bf breaking my crazy ex's nose. He runs away before the cops caught up. I go to the hospital to make an ex-ray. My wrist was sprained. Everyone saw the scene; I was embarrassed, humiliated, angry, hurt. But at least I told myself that it was over for good. I mean, it must have been, right? Fast forward 2-3 days (not exactly sure about all my timelines). I'm on my way to university and one of my male friends calls me and warns me that my ex is at the university looking crazy and asking about me. By then I had obviously changed my number. But he had sent messages to my best friend before saying that he wants to apologize, he doesn't know what he was thinking, blabla. My new bf of the time also gets pissed and calls the cops. We arrive at university and the cops arrest him by my friend's car (in which I was locked while waiting for the cops). He was at the window begging and crying trying to apologize. At the police station, I find out that he has been arrested several times before (I mean, the first red flag should have already told me this, but I closed my eyes) and that he is often in fights. He hangs with many conservative Muslims who have also been arrested for beating up people. He was still released though (stupid laxest Swiss justice system) and I was told if he ever approached me again he would be detained. I never ran to him again. Some friends who ran into him (who did not know the details of my relationship – because my closest friends all deleted him from their lives too) told me that he got married a few months after we broke up. Poor wife. I also eventually learned that he cheated on me with girls that I had literally hanged out with (his "friends"). I was scared for years to run into him. It didn't happen. Now 10 years later, here I am, living in Austria with my Austrian man (not the one I was with after the crazy one), and I'm happy. I finally feel safe. Good luck to all of us, there can be an end. I am here to advise if you want. Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
Comment on this item |
Latest Articles |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
All materials by Daniel Pipes on this site: © 1968-2024 Daniel Pipes. daniel.pipes@gmail.com and @DanielPipes Support Daniel Pipes' work with a tax-deductible donation to the Middle East Forum.Daniel J. Pipes (The MEF is a publicly supported, nonprofit organization under section 501(c)3 of the Internal Revenue Code. Contributions are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law. Tax-ID 23-774-9796, approved Apr. 27, 1998. For more information, view our IRS letter of determination.) |