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Things to remember that REALLY helped me move on...Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Lauren (United States), Mar 11, 2015 at 06:13 Hi Claire, I know how real the pain is that you're experiencing because I've been there. It's a roller coaster of emotions from anger to depression everyday, and it took going through this for 2 years before I realized how much of my power I was giving to a bottom feeding leech from an undeveloped country. I layed in bed depressed for a month, didn't eat much and wasted 2 years of my life ruminating and blaming myself, thinking about what could have been and sulking for ending the relationship due to him disrespecting me, dishonoring our relationship, neglecting his responsibilities over the son we created and lying to me. I think the thing that hurt most was the wave of guilt I carried from creating a child that will grow up without a father, but I forgave myself after realizing that he has nothing valuable to teach or give to my son. Be thankful you didn't end up having a child with this man because the pain would be much more intense, believe me! My experience has pushed me to better myself in all ways instead of allowing him the satisfaction to run me into the ground, which at this point I know he'd love nothing more than knowing I am pinning over him and living miserably without him. He wants punishment for me rejecting his disrespect, keeping my son from him and loosing his golden opportunity to use me and our son as a tool to get into the U.S...what an ego boost that would be for him to know I crumbled! I know you can get through this too, Claire! Turn this into an experience of empowerment and self improvement! You can reprogram your brain to think and feel differently about him and your relationship with him when you practise challenging your thoughts about the situation and how you feel about it. It will take a long time to do, but your determination to heal has to out weigh the amount of time. Look at it from the eyes of someone else looking in because it takes away that personal connection that you've linked to him. It will help alliviate the pain if you do it each time you feel emotionally connected to him whether in anger, sadness, missing him, etc. Don't allow him to make you feel defeated and miserable for the rest of your life because it's short and you only get one chance at it! Make it great! :) Sometimes your ego can be a good thing in healing and accomplishing great things! Fight him back and make yourself just as important as you've made him for how he made you feel about yourself! Rip away the power he has taken away from you to feel valuable, desirable and lovable again and realize that only YOU are responsible for your own happiness and self esteem, nothing outside of you can fill that void long term! See how it ends when you're dependent on external things to make you feel whole instead of believing in, valuing and loving yourself? Being a high value and respectable woman means that you will reject anything that goes below your standards, and that means getting involved with bottom feeding men that have nothing but bullshit and financial dependency to offer in return with their manipulative "loving" words to hook you in! They sure do know who to target don't they? They can sense lonliness and low self esteem from thousands of miles away lol! You fell prey to a poor, low class opportunistic parasite! I was where you are! Now I am proud of myself for having the courage to end the relationship and realizing I have standards and self respect for what I want from a relationship! It has enhanced my self esteem now that the pain is gone. I was in love with the idea of love and in love with the way he made me feel about myself because I was dependent on him to fill my void of childhood issues and low self esteem. He was 28 at the time we met and I was 26 (I'm now 31). He was a very good looking man from Oran Algeria, light olive skin, gorgeous eyes, perfect eyebrows and a jaw line of a model. I felt so lucky to have a man that was so strickingly handsome accepting my kids and making me feel so special! I consider myself an attractive woman also, but out of shape and a single mother of two kids makes you feel less attractive and desirable. I mean, here I was a single mother of two children from a previously abusive relationship. He was so attentive in the beginning, so loving, etc. He knew I needed to feel loved because I was such an open book while he didn't reveal much about himself. I was in such need to feel loved that I was blinded by it and didn't even care to know who he was! But, now I can say looking back that this experience has helped me grow in more ways than anything ever could! It helped me get to the root of my issues and I've gained so much more than I've lost and I thank him now for breaking me open, not breaking me! ;) For a while it will feel like you'll never feel alive again, never love or feel happy again. This parasite once made you feel all those things you already lacked within yourself. It has nothing to do with him as much as you might feel right now that it does! The best thing you can do for yourself is to accept that you are in emotional pain. It's the start of healing to accept that black cloud hanging over your head everyday until that ego kicks in and you get tired of it! ;) It's a very emotionally painful experience getting romantically involved with Muslim men, or any man with their mentality because they lack empathy, integrity, have no morals and view women as second class citizens. And, what better for them than to give themselves a huge ego boost by hooking their claws into a first world women? They are masters at making you feel like you're the most special woman in the world, at least until you start peeling away at their persona. Arab men looking to exploit women of first worlds use this tactic to hook you in because they need you for their own personal gain and prey on your vulnerabilities. Once this process begins and you notice the red flags comes the manipulation; they are master manipulaters and in fact, it's a part of their dark identities. They learn this from their own holy book! Keep in mind that he is a man was attracted to you because of the same qualities within yourself, which is that he also has low self esteem. We always attract a reflection ourselves within others. If a man can exploit women for his own gain, or have to use women to make his life better, how could he feel good about himself? How could he ever have a good relationship with another woman? Don't take that personally Claire; I can guarantee once things get comfortable with this other woman, she will be very miserable with him. History has a way of repeating itself! I wish you the very best and I hope this helps you find some light at the end of the tunnel. :) You're more than welcome to email me anytime if you'd like, or any other woman on this forum that needs support. I am also going to give you a list of things that really helped me along the way. I felt suicidal also and it pushed me to find everything I could to get better, so please YouTube and Google the following and listen/read it... -Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue -www.Actualized.org -www.2knowmyself.com YouTube: Eckhart Tolle, Iyanla Vanzant, Indian spiritual guru "Sadhguru" (he has FANTASTIC advice!) -codependency -love addiction Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
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