lucky end

Submitted by Carol (Germany), Feb 17, 2015 at 13:48

Dear Kate,

I'm very glad to read you got out of Morocco unharmed. More or less. The scars on the soul will stay there, just the pain luckily won't. Back in 2010, when I posted my story as response to another girl's trouble, I had no idea how mean my Ex would turn out. It was already difficult and I knew in the long run there was no happy end in sight, but what occured just one year later came anyway like a shock to me. My "dear" husband was in Germany for one of his occasional visits and to be there when our youngest starts school. When he went back to Morocco, we all believed he'll be back for X-mas and everything seemed as always. Difficult, but still not lost.

What a huge error!!! Came November, he sounded more and more distanced and finally he had the courtesy to inform me about the fact, that he already proposed to some moroccan woman and wanted a divorce from me. Well, needless to say it was lousy style to first propose to the other woman and then remember to tell the wife.... Of course over the next days following his confession, I had to learn he was dating this woman more than a year and everyone in the family knew, but no one of them felt the need to tell me about it. They smiled in our faces and lied. As they always did, so actually no real surprise there. Yet after all the crap my Ex pushed me through, I was anyway surprised to notice how low he really could go. Looking back to our last vacation in Morocco, I even figured I've met that woman and her mother when they came to visit his mom in their home, but back then I had no clue of her role in his life. I believed them to be some neighbors who came to visit, because this used to happen often, as this is part of their culture. The amazing point is only the fact that I immediately disliked this other woman, because she entered the place as if it belonged to her and really seemed extremely arrogant. She turned pale when she saw me there, but again, I did not think anything bad, because I was used to this kind of behaviour once these moroccan women came across a western woman.

They all behave stupid when facing a western woman. Strange, but true. However, I disliked her and when I later that evening told him, he defended her by saying how I just don't like Moroccans. True in a way, but not correct in general. I've met a few nice people as well, but the majority actually doesn't offer too much to like. Perhaps you can imagine how it all got a very different "taste" once I later realized whom I've met that evening. The best part was his suggestion to keep things between us just as they were even after our divorce, regardless of his new wife. To me a no-go, to him no big deal. My stomach used to get upset when I just pictured his idea for a second. Our sons took it hard when I first broke the news to them, they were just 6 & 8 at that time, but with time it got better. My heartbreak was also bigger than I imagined it would be, because although I knew how things were, I didn't see it coming like this. However, he married that woman in Morocco in June of 2012, while still married to me.....

According to the law in the States he became a bigamist, but by islamic law in Morocco he was married for the first time, since we never registered our marriage there. He got a third son in August 2013, meaning a half-sibling to the sons he had with me, but the divorce wasn't done before October that same year. The poor child counts in the entire western world as born outside wedlock, just like his second marriage will not be considered valid with a date prior to the divorce. All he did is a big mess. Without to be gleeful, I must say I feel the need to laugh when I think about his family and him now, because they did not approve of that woman (funny: they considered her too arrogant, too bossy and too old), so they all started a huge fight against each other and ended up it court. His own mother, who seemed untouchable and whom he always placed above me in terms of value, became his toughest enemy. His siblings stuck to the mom as well, so he was the fool after all.

He felt betrayed and they just hate each other. Now they no longer speak to each other and all he has is the new wife, the kid and his new in-laws. Again: I'm not a mean or gleeful person, but here I can't help myself and must say I feel that's what he deserves. He threw our sons and me away like old shoes and I'm very glad we already were away from his country, because otherwise I would have had the same problems like you did. The bribes and all that crap, which is completely normal to them. To us it's nothing but a nightmare. Living hell, so to speak. I'm very happy for you about the point that you made it back to Australia with your son, because I can only imagine how it would be to not find the child in Morocco. I remember when my Ex once told me how if he would want to keep the boys there, I would never have a chance to ever see them again. After I responded to that by saying I'd rather commit murder and slit his throat and his mother's ( people sometimes adapt too much to their surrounding....), he said frosty how he was just joking and would never do such a thing. He added how I sounded serious (he was right...) and how I should know him better. He thinks of himself to be the nicest man on this planet, at least the best arab. Maybe he even is, I don't know. I doubt it, but I don't know.

Reading stories like yours and having seen "Not without my daughter" many years ago, perhaps he was telling the truth for once. God knows. Well, I'm grateful for two absolutely bright, adorable and handsome boys, who are on the outside very much like their father, but hearts and brains are not like his.

Once more: I'm very happy for your lucky end so you can share your life with your child. Enjoy this and please never forget how precious life is, especially now, when you're free again! My boys and I also feel way more free than we used to feel by his side and the sad moments of memory really pass. The first two years after being coldly dumped were tough, but now --- I can't stop being glad he's far away! Hope you'll reach this kind of peace at heart soon too!

Best wishes for you and your boy,

Carol

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