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To Confused Mind, from AmreekaReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Ana Amreeka (United States), Aug 23, 2014 at 19:06 Crazy. I just purchased this book myself a couple of nights ago. You are so NOT ALONE. It is an addiction, this cycle of pain that we've come to believe is love. Because when we reunite, it is all sorry and I never meant to hurt you. But we must really ask ourselves if that is true ... How can a person be sorry for having hurt you, when they don't even feel deep down that what they are doing by ignoring you and hiding you is wrong at all? If we aren't having to finance, fuss and fight for love...we don't believe it's love. We've come to accept the devil's message that we aren't worthy enough for the kind of beautiful, enduring and deeply fulfilling love that adds to us, instead of robs us. I struggle with this. Addiction leads to all sorts of things, mainly dillusion. And as I work through my addiction to 'help' and 'support', and to overcome that 'spell' he seems to cast with his words and cheek kisses...I'm not sure of what's ahead. But it has to be better than this. Because if I'm honest...I cried and cry more than I smile and laugh on the account of him. And nothing changes nor will it ever. We can't make them who we wish they were. Our only hope is to do the work to protect what we have left...the most important thing of all - our spirit. And I just keep thinking...If this was all I was meant for...to love him, to live this tug of war...then he would be the one. I wouldn't have escaped. But dear, we have. We have escaped. With scars and stains and dirt and the pain of memory. But we've escaped. And thank God for Jesus, the one who can cleanse us the moment we ask. And when this thought that I can't go on...another loveless day, without anyone to share my dinner with, without anyone to hold my hand and dream and pray with me... At least I know I'm not alone. I know that I am in possession of a greater truth + determination than I had before this man. And I know that when God sends me the right person, I will love him + cherish him + appreciate him all the more, because of the agony I've lived in relationships since I was a teen - drawn always to fixing what can't be fixed. Stay calm. Don't be like me...happy for the moment, smiling, accepting when he disappoints you again, smiling, striving to stay quiet so you don't 'nag', 'cling', 'agitate', 'ruin', then letting your dissatisfaction build for days until you explode, then he ices you out, you're considered crazy by him, your self-esteem plummets because you believe it, you cry yourself to sleep, he still --after being so loving and adorable after the last time-- doesn't call, you're mad because he doesn't seem to care you were hurting, and you are hurting, and then feeling like there is no point if he's the only guy and this is the only misery you'll ever know... Don't let it get there...the cycle beginning again... Notice how they never come to us with apologies until AFTER we've nearly died of malnutrition, dehydration + such AND we've been the ones to reach out to 'solve things' 'be heard' 'make peace'...They know when the time is ripe...when we feel confident and strong enough to contact them after a month...but when we are just weak enough to fall again... (because we clearly want some kind of approval or parting peace about the situation from them) On a real level, I think these men have no clue what they want. They're too busy trying to pretend constantly that they are who they are not -- to the community, their families, themselves...I think these guys are very attracted to smart independent women who are doting and good caretakers, nurturing type. It's the best of both worlds --modern + classic. But they've resigned to that false messages they've received - which in turn robs them of self-esteem and they then...like children who've been bullied that transform to bullies...these men then play out their low self-esteem to gain sympathy + win the upper hand with us (the hot/cold, tell ya what you wanna hear bit, etc) because they most often lack the upper hand in any area in their own lives (career, family, finances, spiritual freedom, etc)...deep into their 20s + 30s. How miserable do you have to be? To make women cry and want to jump off cliffs + still feel nothing and not show any kind of self-initiated compassion to make things better ...even when that woman has been so good to you...How miserable do you have to be--not to even muster the energy to give a damn about someone who has done all they could to help you? You + me. We're tempted to want to find out. If there was a way we could help them figure it out, so they could be better companions we would do anything. But the only part that has anything to do with us --- is getting out and staying out. We're loving too much. And at this point, it's moved beyond paying dearly with our money + material resources...we're not paying with our minds + spirits (the hardest of things to recover). We have to walk away. And I say we, because you aren't alone. I have to walk away and stay away too. Be strong! We're out for a reason! May God continue to strengthen you + guide you as you move forward into another realm, a future worth living for :) Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
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