Dear ConfusedMind

Submitted by Ana Amreeka (I'm American (United States), Aug 6, 2014 at 22:21

DO NOT for ANY REASON GO BACK to HIM!!!

You are likely a beautiful person. You are accomplished - having your own business long before he ever showed up. You are generous. You are loving.

You MUSN't carry any shame of what has happened. Know that the only thing God wants you to carry...is the knowledge that you were made perfect in HIS eyes. God longs to comfort you in these moments, when you feel weak and afraid.

God knows your trouble and heartache. And because HE loves us, more than any of these clowns on earth, HE intervenes to deliver us from evil and temptation. Think of it this way, for just a moment... your ability to catch that plane and return home is DELIVERANCE...your business to keep you engaged and focused and supporting YOURSELF is DELIVERANCE...your access to internet and information on this subject is DELIVERANCE... You could've been stuck in his country, married, with psycho in-laws, and a yo-yo husband, your passport restricted, no resources, no real ability to GET OUT of that TOXIC RELATIONSHIP! Praise God, you were in a situation that allowed you to leave!

You wanted a beautiful simple life with an honest man, a life full of love and family and joy. There is nothing wrong with that. You have those pure desires in your heart, because they were placed there in goodness by the Creator who made you and crowned YOU his princess. And I share with you, dearest sister what Jesus shared with all of us...But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you (Matthew 6:33) Stay in faith. Your story is not over, yet. But for your health, the health of this child, the stability of your home ,endeavors and faith...You MUST NOT GO BACK TO HIM. I don't care what happens. It's done. He showed you who he really is...A WOLF in SHEEP'S CLOTHING.

And beautiful one, do not fret over whether you can raise this child. You can and will - without him. God will be there to help you. Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (Matthew 6:26) Don't let anyone talk you into anything drastic. You carry that child - that gift from God...carry that child knowing that it is reflection, not of mistake, but of God's divine power...Out of a time so harsh and so sad will come this force, this beautiful little being, that I have faith will take your breath away - a calming force.

There will be someone to come along and if he is sent by God, this man will be patient, gentle, kind, forgiving, a provider, a leader, respectful, filled with faith + reverence to God. And rest assured, dearest sister, that if this man is all of those things, he will accept this child as his own and you can build the family you've dreamed. But you must have faith.

Some bad things happened, but good is on the way.

You made mistakes, but your intentions were good.

There were things you didn't know going into this, but now you're so much smarter.

Bismillah (in the name of God), imagine - and what's beautiful is...Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us (Ephesians 3:20) NIV- imagine, what kind of mother you will make having learned all these things. Imagine, the wisdom you will be able to share with your child, who with you as a mother + Jesus as his/her savior, will amount to so much more than his/her biological father.

You have greatness in your womb, you have love in your heart, you have God + our intercessor, Jesus by your side. Doesn't matter if you don't talk to either of them everyday, if you haven't spoken in a long while, or if you never have. They have known you since before YOU were born + they have waited for you to need them more than you have needed anyone before.

Oh God is Great! He cannot rest knowing you cry at night. He can not be fully satisfied knowing you feel such emptiness. And more importantly, He will not abandon you like this man has - because He is always emotionally available and forgiving to His children. He knows our struggles, being all knowing and living in the body of Christ who walked this earth. God wants you HOME with him, spiritually. He wants you to know your worth and how much you mean to HIM and the world. This silly immature man is so miniscule to how big your future is with Christ + Our Father leading you.

You mean something...and I will always be grateful to you, sister. Because I found your post, after searching for community myself on this issue.

Please know I am not judging, as I just recently met a Palestinian gentleman and he worked all his magic. He professed his love endlessly and made plans swiftly. He admitted to me that he thought I was 'loaded' /very wealthy and I sort of tucked that information away. I ignored many red flags - his 'recreational' drug use, his swift mood changes, his daddy issues, his work history, his abandon of Islam (the whole I'm not religious speel), many things. He would supply sooooo many details about his life (especially his hardships), but then on issues like introducing me to his family he was vague, but reassuring.

Finally, I got frustrated and I said to myself 'If he's so worried about his mother's opinion and how she'll think us dating is haram, and he actually wants to marry me, then he should have no problem telling his mother --- I met someone. She is beautiful, she is God fearing, she is kind, she is who I want to marry. Because after all, if that's the kind of responsible respectful male his mother raised, she should be proud of him wanting to be with a self-sufficient woman and going about things the 'right' way?' So I kept that frustration and then finally after a bit, he comped an attitude over something small and iced me out for three days. I tried to talk to him about what was going on with him, why he suddenly changed, of course he had excuses and basically said I don't want to talk about it. Well I think his 'khalas' 'I'm done talking to you about this matter'...I think that sent me over the edge, because then I couldn't stop screaming at him ---I told him I would not waste anymore time. If he couldn't be an adult, address the situation and move on from a ridiculous piece of drama that he created, then he couldn't have anymore of my heart, my time and my life. I value that - even in my weakness. And we must, sister. So then of course, he twisted my words and yelled and hung up. We made up, only after I, feeling guilty after he blamed me for EVERYTHING, tried to FIX things. I told him I wanted to move past it, but his family was still an important aspect we needed to work out if we were to move forward. But the bliss, as always with a yo-yo man, was short lived - as he made endless promises, but showed no change. Showed no efforts to do better. It was like one moment he wanted to 'earn me, respect me, love me' for all the rest of his life (his words) then BOOM because I expressed myself and told him what I wasn't going to put up with NOTHING. Praise God, we only lasted a month and half (I'm really sweet, but I won't be silenced).

You may have one child by him, but praise God you don't have four. May have spent a couple of years, but praise God it wasn't twenty years of this abuse from this man you had to endure. See it as a blessing…even if you can only faintly see it this way.

Afterward, even with knowledge that I had stood up for myself, I felt distraught, that I'd lost my habibi, love of my life, father of my imaginary half American/ half Palestinian children, but in reality… I mourned the loss of what I felt had been a blessing. I had been what seemed so long without someone to talk to a night, to share meals with, to share dreams with. And trust me, they know this. All men, not just Arabs. They can sense it. Afterall, men were born to hunt and they survey the landscape well. We shared our deepest hurts with them, feeling that we could. And yes, this man did you wrong. And yes, you made mistakes on your part, just as I did. But PLEASE PLEASE know, you can and will get past this…

Your story illustrated to me - in the depth of my own despair, that I am not alone. That YOU are not alone. And we have the gift of deliverance from these men who prey upon us for our kind hearts, open wallets and boundless dreams. God will sustain you.

Drop the phone. Do not e-mail him. Don't bother. As I am telling you...I am telling myself... WE MUST NOT GO BACK...

What we must do is take it one day at a time, knowing with every fiber of our being...We will make it! We have been delivered from these men, so that we can let our light shine and continue to fulfill our purpose. We are going to be FANTASTIC without these men! After all, these are JUST men ---if we can even call them that.

More importantly, we must pray for them. You and I have meltdowns over whether or not we were adequate enough for their families, their culture, to be their wives, and if we were whyyyyy did 'he' have tooootootoooo leeeeeave? :'( Oh sister, I cry everyday almost. But we must consider how lame they must feel when they think about it…hopping from one woman to the next to get bills paid, issues resolved, legal statuses confirmed…only to end up spending life with women they don't love, but their families do. So often these men come from homes where their fathers were not good examples to them and they truly suffer from this missed loved + guidance, displays of respect toward the feelings of women. So I think like all people, they search to find it in one form or another, and the depression is even more suffocating to them, because they are from a culture that more so than others really frowns upon sensitivity or expression of these griefs. I think when they talk to us listeners and read that we are nurturers, they are genuine in their willingness to share this with us. However, they are not always honest about what they want us to do with this information (often the issue is real, but the pity they want is in the form of cash or intimacy or reassurances that they are truly loved). We must acknowledge, yes, that all Arabs are unique. But it should be noted, truthfully, that many of them carry pains of hardship ( cultural, financial, identity and spiritual, etc) that you and I will never understand. We must pray for their peace + their deliverance + one day their place in Heaven + we must let go.

THIS MAN IS NOT FOR YOU! CRY CRY CRY...but then when you're done. Take a shower, read a bit of the Bible, read a book, spend time with friends, focus on your business, and the days will pass without him (No CONTACT) and you'll go on to live a beautiful life. This is only one or two pages of what GOD HAS PLANNED for your EPIC life. God Bless you!!!

A wise woman told me…to always ask God…when meeting someone new…

Who is this man?

Where did he come from?

If he has not been sent by You, God, take him away?

---

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