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You are Getting UsedReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Aug 6, 2014 at 10:38 Confused Mind: After reading your detailed story ( and I appreciate all of the details), it's a classic case of you being vulenrable, meeting a man and he starts taking advantage of you BIG TIME. It is complicated that a child is now involved, but I would advise you not to go to such great lengths to kee this man in your life for the time being. Given what you've said about the Orfi paper, it's possible he just wanted to be with a Western woman who is different. What you've done for him---cutting back on your business, giving him gifts, money----it won't be enough. I've been there and done that with women and either way, ConfusedMind, it does not work. The drama you're describing is pretty standard for this situation. The anger, the yelling, the crying. Been there, done that. Him being Egyptian or Muslim has little to do with it. I think the age difference, the culture difference and his maturity are all showing here and I don't think he always knows how to handle a successful businesswoman who is older than him. The problem here though, ConfusedMind, is that you've been going against your better instincts. You need to realize you ended up with this man on the basis something that felt and sounded good, but really wasn't true: that all European men are bad. Now, I'll be the first to say that women on this forum turn away from Western men in general because their experiences with them are just lousy, and a lot of Western men have no idea what they are doing. But the man you are with now is using you, ConfusedMind and I see no evidence he respects you so long as he gets what he wants. This relationship is poisonous. You should be enjoying a relationship like this, but instead it's miserable. I've been there before with women, and listen, what you need to do is step from all of this and take of yourself and your baby. That comes first before all else, and right now, I don't see how he can be any of it. He's either outright using you and/or isn't mature enough for all of this---maybe both. 1) As far as making you feel guilty-----that's a textbook technique for a manipulator to get his/her way. They make you feel at fault so that you feel like you have an obligation to give them what they want or stay. Liars and scammers will become so confident in that they themselves may even threaten to leave you, ConfusedMind, and they do it because they have good reason to believe you'll beg them to stay and concede. 2) The emotional drama of breaking up, getting back together again, breaking up----Oh, I know all about that! When I was younger and dating girls 18-21, I saw this a lot. Dated one 18 yo girl who just broke up with her finance, two weeks later she wanted him back, then seven months later they are done for good and she wants me back. Ugh. Listen, ConfusedMind, younger romantic partners and/or people getting taken care of by someone else might have the time and emotional space for that nonsense, but working successful mature persons do not. 3) The fact that he's possessive is a problem. He may soon demand that you have no male friends, maybe even no male clients. 4) As far as trust; If you trusted him, you would not be on here asking for anonymous, on-line input. You can't trust that he'll man up and take of you, the baby or even himself. You say he's trying and nice. If he were nice, you two wouldn't be arguing all the time and you wouldn't be on here. Sure, there's nice times, and he might even have a job. So what? I've been used before to, and the woman I got used by had a job and was nice sometimes, too. You are settling for much less here and are miserable because of it, ConfusedMind, and I think you've gotten yourself in a position where you are making excuses for him because he's younger, different or whatever. STOP IT and see the situation for what it is! And since there is no trust here, there isn't love. Furthermore, ConfusedMind, you have no reason to trust him and yeah, they say they'll pay you back, but it doesn't happen. Not without an arduous court battle. Submitting....
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