Just need support to get through this

Submitted by Naive Woman (United States), May 19, 2014 at 01:09

Hi, I commented before. You can read my previous comments to get a better idea of my situation.

To sum it up though, I've been with an Iraqi Muslim for about 13 yrs and we have children together. Just recently my daughter has begun to wear a hijab. Of course she wants to please her father and also "fit in" in the Muslim community etc. it really makes me feel like a shitty mother that I chose this man who is emotionally abusive towards us and now my daughter must also face this or deal with his abuse. When he's not around she asks if she has to wear it and I of course tell her no. I feel bad for her.

There are so many more issues going on besides this. His elderly mother is returning to the states and I must deal with her again. She is always bitchy and nothing I do is ever good enough. I can't cook right clean right or take care of her son or my children right. By now I am used to this but she has been out of the country for some years so I didn't have to deal with her. I'm pretty sure she will be living with his older brother while she's in the us but I'm sure she'll be staying with us sometimes also. It makes me want to rip my hair out. Things have been getting a lot worse between me and Iraqi guy too. He has tried to kick me out of the house, the most recent attempt was when I didn't want to have sex with him. I'm tired of him controlling me. He doesn't love me, I realized that years ago but I have stayed because my children aren't that old and I was really afraid he would find a way to take them from me. He has threatened to do that. He is kind of a big shot in the local community and even has doctor and lawyer friends (American). Everyone thinks he is so nice and such a good guy. They don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Sometimes I get so depressed but I have to keep going for my kids.

The only good news is that I am almost done with nursing school and I hope this will lead me closer to being financially independent so when my kids get a little idler I'll feel safer creating distance between us. I've just been very afraid of what he will do wih them. He h has said some very scary things like about hurting all of us if I ever try to get custody of the kids. He is getting more verbally abusive the closer I get to graduating. I'm very afraid he will try to sabotage it for me.

Please pray for me I feel so alone sometimes but I know there are women here that have gone through similar experiences. Please talk to me. My self esteem has really hit rock bottom and even my nursing instructors have made comments about my confidence lacking. I need to stay strong to get this degree. I feel like it will help save us , in one way at least. Just really need to vent to people who get it. No one I know seems to get this.

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