Question on "Good" Relationships

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Oct 7, 2013 at 11:17

To first answer your question about saying good things: People who are secure in their relationships do not need to discuss them at length on-line nor do they care about what other people (certainly strangers outside the family) think.

You're not going to find a consistent presence of "good" relationships, Rachel, because people in those are too busy enjoying them, whether they are Muslim or non-Muslim.

People who have to go around and defend their relationship or their partner give the impression that there are problems with the relationship, one or both partners or any combination of them.

Look at it like this: Why are Muslim women not all over this blog defending Muslim men? Notice how it's mostly non-Muslim women from Europe, North America and Asia who defend them? Also notice that a lot of them are on-line and many of these women are coming off relationships and marriages?

That's not just by chance.

Yes I agree with the lady regarding not judging.

If you have to use on-line posts to justify your relationship, Rachel, that's a problem. If that is what brought you of the woodwork on here, that's also a concern.

I have dated so many British men who are boring, have no ambition, treat you terrible if you allow it

Modern western men in all too many cases have no idea what they are doing when it comes to dating. A lot of them get frustrated and I think at times wish they were gay or perhaps even at times even women themselves, or they buy into this utter nonsense that all the girls want are jerks and not themselves who are of course the "nice guys".

and are happy to cheat on their wives.

Heh. Since you're on here, Rachel, you should read some more of the stories. Don't believe for a single second that dating a religious man or a religious man from a religiously-run country or a nation steeped in it means he's got his moral standards in polished practice.

Cheating is a quite a universal concept.

Our culture is so loose

You may be surprised at what goes on behind closed doors in some of these Third-World places, even ones touting religion.

and I think we are attracted to Muslim men because of their religion and they do tell you how much they love you. I am dating a muslim man and love him –

It's so painfully obvious, Rachel, that a lot of women date Muslim men is because they are different and want to be seen with someone different. In many cases the man is much younger, which should be a red flag for an older woman regardless of what religion the man is or where he comes from.

This is also why women fight their natural instincts and may give these men free passes they'd never give to a balding, pot-bellied peer of the same congregation, age and race.

It's also probably why not a lot of women talk too much about the age of themselves and their partners. They are, however, more than happy to say "well, he's NEVER asked me for money", because gee, that's sure setting the bar high. He's a great guy because he doesn't ask for money???

A lot of times, scammers will try and guilt you into giving instead of directly asking.

you will say I am stupid

If the intention here, Rachel, is to get a watered down response via some kind of self-pity, it won't work. I don't care to call anyone stupid, but as adults we should realize that in dating and romance most everyone makes mistakes. It's pretty hard to date and not mistakes or get hurt, but you can avoid obvious pitfalls and scandal with some fine-tuned advice, including not dulling your feminine instincts.

but it is also good for me to see other types of culture

If you want to learn about other cultures, that's what a travel agency, library or university. Dating and courtship are most efficient when used to find a good partner of the opposite sex for yourself.

and make a decision based on the person.

That's how dating is supposed to be. Trouble happens though when women give out free passes for no good reason.

He has never asked me for money, for a passport and as he is younger I know I cannot be with him forever, but I am enjoying the taste of being treated so kindly.

I appreciate the honesty here, and I understand how you feel. I have no doubt that he makes you feel fantastic and knows all the right words. But you need to be careful here because for one thing, men do attract women they don't necessarily care about or have a romantic interest.

And really, Rachel, you're not doing anyone a favour if you are in a relationship solely for the comments. You deserve better than that.

Learning about culture, getting compliments and being with someone knowing it won't lead anywhere isn't a healthy relationship environment, Rachel.

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