be very very careful

Submitted by nicole (Australia), Oct 5, 2013 at 05:13

Hi Daniele,

I can offer you some advice. I am married to an Egyptian man - although sadly it is ending due to him not being able to accept I don't want to convert to Islam. This is after 5 yrs of marriage and his agreeing before we married that I didn't have to or need to convert.
My advice doesn't necessarily come from my Experience with my husband - but more the friends he helped set up online romances with girls in America.
I am presuming your guy is not in America but rather in his native country.
My husband has been to the USA, loved it and therefore advised his friends to get out and go live in another country like the US. Many egyptians dream of this (even though they love their own country and culture with a passion) but the problem for them is visas. It's extremely hard for egyptians to travel.

OK so my husband advised two of his good friends to find someone to marry online from the USA. My husband would sit with the friend while they had internet convesations girls from the US and help out with the English and of course the love messages.
Egyptians consider themselves to be cassenova's and will throw on the passion and compliments thick and fast. Understand this - although the intention is there - whether they say this to you or the next girl it would be exactly the same words. What they say will not be uniqure to you - even if you are the only girl they are talking too. If you suddenly stopped contacting them, then they would just get on to the next girl and say the exact same things. Take every comment at face value. They do not know you, and yet they very quickly initiate a deep commiting relationship.
Sorry if this sounds harsh - but they are mostly looking for a ticket out of egypt or wherever. If, by chance, they find love or some sort of happiness at the same time - well that's a bonus. But from the onset and until you really have met AND spent much time together - its all superficial. They fall in love with anyone and everything.
Egyptians love falling in love. It's discussed their whole lives from when they are little - love and marriage. They learn very young how to compliment women and appear very deep and meaningful. (Although weirdly some of their love words are the same words they'll use towards their sister, or relatives, or even male friends - so again not necessarily truely uniquely directed to you)

Warning signs:
#1 Too much loving, too fast. (they are brilliant at this... just as brilliant are we women to fall for the compliments - its nice and its different to how western men speak to us - but remember it's superficial!)
Try to remember - a lot of it is just words - they don't know you. And yes you have beautiful eyes and hair - most of the girls in egypt have dark brown eyes and hair - so any foreigner is treasured for the beauty of difference in colour!! We are all beautiful!!!!!!

#2 Marriage proposal very quickly. Marriage = visa = ticket out
#3 offer for you to come to their country to visit (my hubby organised this for both friends USA "girlfriends" to come to Egypt). Not necessarily bad - but you are the one being put out of your comfort zone and being romanced in a beautiful exotic and ancient country. Of course it adds to the romance - but not necessarily reality. IT's easy to fall in love on holiday when you are being treated like a queen - right?
Why not ask them to come to your country first??? (not you paying everything though - make them accountable for some of it) Obviously for them getting a visa, having the money isn't easy. but hey - if you can meet them on your turf it will be a much more realistic base for you to assess.

#3 Ask them lots of questions. Especially questions regarding marriage and what to expect after marriage. (Many rules change once you marrry - regarding what they will accept and expect of you behaviour wise)
What do they expect of their wife? Cooking, cleaning, working, free time activities? Freedom to go to beach, gym, pool, bars with friends?
Discuss your friendships with other males? (Very important) Ask about interactions with your and his male friends... can i greet a male friend hello with a kiss on the cheek? A hug? (THis is virtually unheard of in Egypt... you would shake hands if nothing at all. This may be expected of you even for old family friends of yours, or friends since kindergaten, gay friends etc) The only contact by hug etc is with your immediate family (your dad or brothers) any other male contact is extremely formal.
Where would you live? IF in their country be prepared to live with his family and that the family is very involved in your life. (I was lucky my hubby's family was lovely so this isn't necessarily a bad thing - but you have very little personal space)
If you both were to live in America - would you be prepared to host family members for 2-3months? (trivial but to some people hosting in-laws for that long could be traumatic!!)

Would you have to change your style of clothes once married? Can you still wear a bikini after marriage? How would you get married - Christian ceremony? Muslim? In which country? By which law? What's involved? who will be there? who will organise it? Will his family accept you? Will the ceremony be in arabic? English? Do you have to convert to islam once married? (if they are muslim and say no to this - think of several different ways to ask it -as usually they say no but mean yes - later. When we have children will I need to convert? Are you OK with having a non-muslim wife? Do your friends have muslim wives?). My husband said he just thought I'd change my mind... once I discovered "the truth" of Islam.
Egyptian men (unlike westerners) are NOT afraid to talk about marriage and the desire for babies. It's normall and discussed their whole life. It's their purpose in life (men and women) and it is freely discussed. They are very quick to marry and once in their 20s that's all their families will talk about sometimes. The mother will make it her life goal to marry off her son. Especially once he gets into his 30s. Everyone will be looking for a suitable wife for him. You can bet if he is online looking for a wife - his mother is also lining up suitable local candidates as well!
Family is very important and the mother and father must be obeyed - even once you are 30 or 40!

VERY IMPORTANT: Ask a LOT about religion: Would they expect you to convert? (Ask this several times as you may not get the truth out first up) What about their family - how will they react to their son marrying a foreigner? Will they want me to convert? What about your children? (IF you marry a muslim man your children to him will HAVE to be muslim - no negiations there!!). Would your children you already have be expected to convert?

I have to send this without finishing. my husband found me writing thise - demanded the computer. He is very angry calling me a slut and a cunt and many other nasty words.

I will finish it another time.

BE VERY VERY WARY AND CAREFUL DANIELE

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