To Lara Serbian girl

Submitted by Moonlight (Sweden), Aug 18, 2013 at 10:36

Thank you so much for sharing your own story Lara. I can see that you have been through so much. You seem strong and I know you will come out of this even stronger! You deserve someone who really loves you and treats you with respect. I think what we all need is a healthy relationship where we be ourselves. I know God will lead you to someone that's good for you :)

I recognized a lot of what you wrote from my own experience, like never answering the phone, not being reliable, always having some excuse not to call. I think there is truth in what you wrote, that their girls don't mind. I have understood that it's common for husbands and wives not to talk that much, instead the wives spend time with their friends in their homes and the men are out. This might not be the case for everyone, but I don't think it's that common to be friends with your spouse and to share everything like in the West.

I also feel the same way about marriage as you do. If I can't see myself marrying the guy, then I don't see the point in continuing seeing him. From now on I will be careful so I don't go too far in getting to know a guy if he's not good for me. Some Christian girls think that they are not capable of falling in love with guys that are not Christian, but I don't believe this. I think it's possible, because you can't always control your feelings, but I think we have a choice. And it's important we make the right choice.

I'm actually part Turkish so I know some of the culture, but apparently not everything (otherwise, I don't think I would have ended up in this situation). However, here is what I have found out. Turkish boys are treated very differently from girls, they are treated as kings at home. Because of this, many Turkish men grow up with narcissistic traits. This means they can't admit when they are wrong, they don't like to be criticized, they always blame others, if they are mean to someone they think it makes themselves look better. This is a huge problem of course and the cause of many problems in relationships with these men. I know they are not all like this, but it's very common.

You are only 29 years old and there is time for you to meet someone who you can be happy with, because like you wrote...you were unhappy with him. Please don't blame yourself. You will get to the point when you feel happy again and when you look forward to your future!

/Moonlight

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