|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
My story with a Turkish guyReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Moonlight (Sweden), Jul 21, 2013 at 07:13 Hi everyone, I have been following this site for a while and wanted to share my own story. Looking back I have been so naive. Please feel free to comment (it would be great to get feedback) and thank you in advance for your patience as this post is very long. A year ago I went to Turkey with my mum and met a guy working as an assistant in an office (we were clients). I'm a Christian and thought "Cute guy, but not a Christian...so definitely NO". But...I put my guard down. I didn't want to mislead him so I told him I'm a Christian. We said we would be friends and I thought "Yes, we can be friends and if he later becomes a Christian, that would be great". I really liked this guy. He was attractive, calm (but still a bit macho), fun to be with, a gentleman. While I was still in Turkey we talked online and he asked if he could meet me alone at the hotel. Our hotel was small and a bit strange (they locked the gate from 6 pm) and there was no way I could get out without my mum noticing, so I said I couldn't see him. After I came home he asked when we would start our relationship and I told him I could only accept a Christian. We said we would be friends (again). He asked me to call him (even give a specific time), but was often busy or tired when I called. One time he asked personal financial questions (what I earn, how much I save) and I told him he was asking many questions (half jokingly). This made him very angry. After one week he started rejecting my calls. This made me feel miserable, disappointed and sad. I accused him for playing games and after five days he deactivated his Facebook account. He wrote he can't be a Christian, he's angry with me, he hasn't been playing games. I called him with a hidden number, but he hung up the phone when he heard it was me. I sent a desperate text and told him I hadn't been eating, couldn't think about anything else, I knew he wasn't playing games, could we please talk just one more time. We became friends again, but in the same conversation he told me about a debt and asked if I had money. This happened right after that AWFUL week and I was afraid I would lose him or he would see me as selfish, so I sent him the money. One day he mentioned he was preparing for his birthday and asked what I would give him. I asked what he wanted and he said a smartphone. I couldn't believe it. He told me I owed him a present because I had broken his heart (because I accused him for playing games). I said "But I just gave you money...". Big mistake. He became so so angry. I told him I don't have that much money, but he didn't seem to care. Then he said "Ok...but when?" as if he was expecting me to buy him one as soon as I had money. This if anything was a major red flag. Long story short...I ended up giving him a camera instead. The following week whenever we talked he asked about that stupid camera. Had I ordered it yet, had I ordered the right model, had I received it, when would he get it etc etc. After three weeks my mum warned me about Turkish guys and I ended up telling her about him. Obviously she wanted me to end it. I didn't want to, but deep inside I knew it was the right thing to do. He still wanted to be friends and I asked him why he wanted to keep in touch now that he had understood there couldn't be anything romantic between us. He said "I don't want to lose you, I think you're a very good person". In the last conversation he told me his real age. He had told me he was 26 years old (I'm 30), but apparently he had been lying and he was in fact only 20. Many things made sense after finding this out (his immaturity e.g.) Two weeks later I received a message that said "I have decided to become a Christian". This was a shock and I let myself start day dreaming again (unfortunately). I called and asked what church he would go to and this annoyed him. He understood that I didn't trust him (especially not after finding out he had lied about his age) and this was something he couldn't accept. I also sent a message with a link to a church and the name of a pastor I wanted him to talk to. I also wrote that I don't know God's plan for me yet and that we can't be friends on Facebook. Two days later he wrote his last message "Ok...never mind, I understand. There is no point we talk anymore". I haven't heard from him since that message and I haven't contacted him either. Even though I knew it was the right thing to do, I still missed him. I missed talking to him, sharing my day, the attention, the sweet words and how he made me feel. I had to deal with so many thoughts and emotions (some of them contradictory). I thought "What if he he WAS genuine? Oh no, I broke his heart!" and then "I can't believe I fell for that guy, he tricked me, asked for money, I feel like a fool." I felt jealousy towards the girl he will marry in the future (most likely a young turkish virgin muslim girl) and towards his friends who get to spend time with him. It was really crazy. But I realized this guy was only after sex. He knew I'm a virgin and want to wait until I'm married, but he still suggested we would "lie" in bed together when I go back to Turkey. He said we wouldn't have sex, but of course I don't believe this. Also I'm pretty sure he had planned to do something when he wanted to meet me at the hotel alone. Later when he realized how much I liked him, he also saw an opportunity to get money. And he took it. Of course he didn't want to lose me...I had given him 400 euros and a camera. And I guess he was expecting a smartphone too. The truth is he didn't care about me. He said he missed me so much, like he had never missed anyone before. If you miss someone THAT much, shouldn't you make time in your schedule for them? I mean, more than 5-10 minutes per call? When we had longer conversations he always had an agenda (like when he asked for a smartphone). Also, I think it's very important to listen to one's gut instinct. I remember one day I called him and he told me he had been driving around with his friends. I felt there was something he wasn't telling me. From now on I will always trust my gut. I can't believe how quickly I became attached to this guy. I was under a spell. When he rejected my calls or didn't call I felt my world had come to an end. He had "power" over me, which was very scary. I was disappointed because I wanted it to end differently. However...I was mourning a fantasy, an illusion. He gave me compliments and made me feel beautiful and wanted, but in the end he would have taken (more of) my money, my virginity, my dignity, my HEART. This is a WARNING to all of you Christian women out there. Maybe you think you won't fall for a muslim guy, but trust me...it might happen. I was lucky because I had my mum who saw something was going on. Also I believe God saved me. These men are charming, they know how to get a woman to feel like she's the most beautiful woman in the world. Even if he would become a Christian, he would only do it because of you. That's not the right way, because the chance he will go back to Islam is very big. Their families are so so strong. Now I am finally free! I'm looking forward to my life and to meeting a Christian guy who loves me and who loves Jesus. Take my advice. As a Christian woman, if you see a muslim guy looking at you, smiling at you...RUN!!! Submitting....
Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
Comment on this item |
Latest Articles |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
All materials by Daniel Pipes on this site: © 1968-2024 Daniel Pipes. daniel.pipes@gmail.com and @DanielPipes Support Daniel Pipes' work with a tax-deductible donation to the Middle East Forum.Daniel J. Pipes (The MEF is a publicly supported, nonprofit organization under section 501(c)3 of the Internal Revenue Code. Contributions are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law. Tax-ID 23-774-9796, approved Apr. 27, 1998. For more information, view our IRS letter of determination.) |