Waste of time!

Submitted by syk (United Kingdom), Jul 5, 2013 at 14:04

I saw this website before I was engaged to my muslim Turk, I remember reading some posts and being more than a little wary of my own relationship. He knew I wasn't muslim and it didn't matter to him then. So naturally when you read the brief story, you will see why I found it again as I think the only people who genuinely understand how this feels.

I am 33 and Scottish, he is 31. Met online, spoke for a few months before I went out to visit there (took my mum with me). Went lots, met all his family. We had been together for 4 years total and engaged since September last year. He tried for a visitors visa earlier this year but it was refused, he didn't include payslips or insurance details (he didn't have them because his uncle gives him cash for working in the clothes shop).

Two weeks ago, we were making plans about going out to Turkey after ramadan then literally in the last week he changed. He was cold and distant and very snappy. I didn't understand what was going on and anytime I asked he would get angry, explain nothing and then go offline. Until 2 days ago. He's had thoughts that have been eating away at his mind,

It would seem that now me not being muslim is a problem, he wants a muslim wife and he knows I wont be muslim, his life needs direction, he wants to worship more, he's scared his children would be christian or another religion. He didn't talk to me calmly about this, his anger was completely directed at me, he completely blames me. So he said, he wants the relationship ended and we must cut it off here. I asked if he still loved me, he refused to answer saying it wouldn't change anything. I asked if there was anything that I could do to fix us. He said no. He said he had to go, he said that was the end of my questions (Really?! Cause I had so many more!) I asked him to help save us, he ignored it said goodnight and I've not heard from him since.

I did something during that week he was cold (no lectures please) I went on his facebook page (we had swapped passwords etc,). I needed to see if there was any evidence of why he was so cold. I found a conversation between him and a man friend. He was telling the man he was engaged etc and the man was telling him about foreign girls being different religions, is he ready for that, because a girl is difficult to change after marriage and to be firm about being muslim.

I'll admit it, I'm angry it took him 4 years to decide this (after an engagement!), I'm angry that if he wanted to end it he couldn't do it calmly, it was so vicious and cold. He couldn't even look at me. I'm angry I felt helpless, you can't compete against something they have known from birth can you? Its like my thoughts and feelings don't matter, that he feels justified to be so angry at me for this.

I would have had more respect for him if he had just talked to me about it all, without venom.

So here I am, adding my story to this never ending list...

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