Attempt at Clarification in Response to Isis

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jun 13, 2013 at 22:52

It's clear that my post has struck a nerve with you personally, and it probably at least in part has to do with the fact that you are posting parts of something I wrote that can be taken out of context.

I want to point out that I will specifically address your concerns one at a time primarily for the benefit of other readers who are struggling and looking for answers so that this doesn't blow up into a big fight over personal offence.

Pure conjecture and absolutely no proof of this.

If you mean there is no proof that Fifi's marriage is really bad, that's an excellent point. Simply being on-line asking questions isn't enough to condemn a marriage. But particulary with how this thread has unfoled, I am concerned and hope that she'll provide more information. In my original post, I tried to allow for a range of possibilies while trying to get her to think about her situation.

The poster was merely saying that she was in a good relationship so why would she make it a lame defense. Odd comment!

Isis, please re-read my original post. I included specific language accounting for a myriad of possibilities. I can see how it would seem odd if you missed that.

Again pure conjecture

I think that portion was actually pretty well thought out. You may not agree, but the content is certainly not "pure conjecture." :)

and stirring the pot.

Yes, I am aware of how you feel whenever I ask why someone is on here, but it's something readers on this site need to consider.

A woman in a satisfying and steady relationship with a Muslim man WILL search the web for information re Islam and what is expected in the relationship.

It has been sometime, but I have actually already addressed this: If you want something useful on the internet these days, chances are (no matter what you are looking for) you'll have to pay to get something good.

The internet is loaded with garbage and mis-information and while this site has been a gem in the rough for a lot of people, it's quite clear that even when people find what they are looking for they reject the information if it's inconvenient.

Again, an odd comment and just rubbish Luigi.

No, it's not, Isis. It's still a fair question even if only rhetorical.

If someone has positive insight into a Muslim - Christian relationship

Simply saying you have a good relationship isn't all that much of an insight, especially with the trend on here.

it should be taken on board as much as the tragic stories and not disregarded.

I don't agree with that, because people who are in solid, secure relationships do not need to talk about them on-line, and more importantly WILL not generally discuss them with strangers on-line PERIOD.

Furthermore, the majority of posters are clearly in neither secure nor solid relationships and ask to varying degrees whether or not the relationship they are in is for real.

This forum is hardly a discussion on the finer points of Islam or any particular culture.

In Fifi's case, she really didn't say much at all, so I suppose I should have written a more clarified, rhetorical response.

Why do you write on here Luigi - you have mentioned before that you are Christian so I ask when were you in a relationship with a Muslim man that qualifies you to give advice (which is usually culturally ignorant)?

You've actually already said something about this....I see we're back to square one now.

First of all, Isis, it's important to understand that you don't have to have a relationship with a Muslim male to understand lying, scamming and just bad relationships in general. I've seen the same words, techniques and conservations with women in the West, but no matter how many times I point that out to you, I think it won't ever be good enough.

A lot of it is just common sense, and I think we both know that a lot of these on-line men get free passes that wouldn't be given out to peers.

Secondly, you've never mentioned being in an on-line relationship, yet you manage to give advice that is common-sense based. In fact, Isis, I think you've been a superb resource even if we don't agree on every nuance or detail.

I've done on-line dating quite extensively and know the game pretty well and I think that's quite useful here.

Third, I've had an Iraqi roommate and an Egyptian roommate. I've probably lived with a Muslim/Egyptian/Middle Eastern man more than most of the posters on here!

Fourth, I bring a male perspective on here. I think that's important because clearly a lot of women don't understand how male manipulation can work.

Fifth, I grew up with internet. Look at the ages of the women on here. Most of them are least 40 or older. The internet wasn't around when they were younger, a lot of them probably learned about the basics at the library or at work or self-taught. It's not exactly a great way to be prepared for all the dangers and headaches.

And really Isis, suggesting that I'm culturally ignorant---meh, that's what the desperate relationship defenders on here say because they do not have the substance or evidence to back up their claims and they probably know deep down the advice given out on here over the last six years is spot on.

But, I do appreciate the response and will try and be more clear and careful next time. That's the best I can do from here.

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