UPDATE - Home in the USA and Happy!

Submitted by RLT (United States), Apr 4, 2013 at 17:40

Hello to all! I am here today to share my own personal experience with a Muslim man that began in October of 2010. Before I begin - you will find (below) my original post dated February 2, 2013.

Submitted by RLT (Egypt), Feb 2, 2013 at 18:29

"Yes, consider me one of those gullible women who fell line, hook and sinker for a Muslim man. And ... to boot, one of those tacky "online" romances. Of course I've considered myself intelligent, but as you read on, you will find me not so smart when it comes to love.

I'm writing this quickly from my phone, as I'm sitting here in a dark apartment with a Muslim man and his mother who watch my EVERY move.

I came to Cairo, Egypt 34 days ago, married by urfi contract, so we could stay together in the same apartment. Thank GOD it's NOT a legal binding contract! I thought I knew this 47 year old man, after all we spoke via cam every night for two years. I being 52, I thought I was educated enough to NOT get involved with someone online, least of all someone in a third-world country whose culture, upbringing and religion are opposite mine. In my opinion, rarely do cross-cultural relationships work!

So, I've had to ask myself a thousand times over why I thought my situation would be different. I certainly got caught up in believing this man truly loved me! I enjoyed hearing how beautiful he thought I was, and the future of happily ever after!

Let me tell you about my "HAPPILY EVER AFTER". I've been here 34 days and have been allowed out six of those days, and those six days have been ONLY at night! There are no windows in this apartment, so I've forgotten what it feels like to be outside during the day. I've been told NOT to wear makeup, and to wear a hijab, even though I am Christian. I have not showered in a week, and when allowed, it's cold water.

The area in which I am in is approximately 8x8 foot. I've learned first hand that women are to be submissive and obedient at all times. If you voice your opinion about something he may not agree with, you may get slapped across the face, like I was, as his mother stood by and watched as I pleaded for help. It didn't stop there: after that, he screamed at me for an hour. I begged to go outside and he finally agreed but it would ONLY be for 10 minutes AND I would be covered because he didn't want any man to look at me! He was pissed the entire time I tried to enjoy the fresh air.

While I agree there are good and bad people in all parts if the world. I feel that this religion and culture is disgusting. The list is endless and I hope to share my entire experience once I return to the USA in March! I'm counting the days until I'm FREE!"

--- To date, I am now safely back in the USA. Upon returning I made a promise to myself and also to the staff at the "Daniel Pipes" to share my thoughts/feelings pertaining to my experience while in Egypt. I am sharing a part of my life so to help others get a better understanding (from my own personal perspective ) of the culture/relationships when involved with a man from a third world country and or as it was for me - Egypt. Please understand - For those who may not agree with me, I am not here to try and defend my words. None of our experiences are or will be identical in life. With that being said - I am here simply because we all need to help and educate one another. Personally, had I found this site prior to getting involved with this man - perhaps it would have deterred me away from what turned out to be - in the end - a nightmare. But - while over the course of the few years of my relationship, I felt I had NO reason to look for answers - from anyone - any website or otherwise, simply because (like many) I trusted the man who charmed his way into my heart and claimed to love me more then life. But now it's clear that his understanding of love and my understanding are totally different. Sure, one can tell you all you like to hear via the internet - but you will only find the truth when you actually live their lifestyle with them.

And so I begin ---

While in Egypt, I was to him regarded as inferior, deficient in intelligence and naturally inclined to deceitfulness and sin. Therefore, I was slapped, kicked, spit on, called names and told I would die of cancer if I did not listen to him! But for this man - who believes in a misogynist religion - this is LOVE - after all: women from his country who love their men -accept being subservient to them and will even admit to being inferior to them. Most EVERYONE in Egypt is conditioned to think that way. But I feel love does not exist without respect. Certainly, a man can feel attachment for a woman but if he does not know how to respect her mind, her decisions and her independence that attachment is based on need, NOT love. So unless you agree to give up your individuality and freedom and accept to be humiliated and abused I suggest any women who is contemplating a relationship with a Muslim man, to think and re-think what they may be getting themselves into.

While I was in Egypt I was also lied to on a daily basis, - it was so natural and easy for him. But he didn't care as he had no conscience. Besides - I am Christian and according to him it's perfectly OK to lie to an infidel which in my opinion is a reflection of their prophet Muhammad who was a narcissist. I believe the entire Islamic world is like this - a shame and honor society. Ethical societies (like ours) base their values on guilt and innocence. In cultures that are based on guilt and innocence, evil is avoided because it destroys innocence and it induces guilt. To have guilt you have to have conscience, right? In societies that are based on shame and honor, your ONLY concern is how others view you. The image that you project is MORE important than yourself. ALL that matters is that others perceive you as an upright and moral person. As long as you can keep that image, you are okay even if you live a degenerate life. In brief, in shame based societies it is one's "projected image" that defines his actions, whereas in guilt based societies it is one's conscience that polices ones conduct.

Not only was I hit and lied to, but he and his Mother also stole from me. Yes, that's right! The day before I was scheduled to board my plane, he allowed me out of the apartment for two hours. When I returned, I went to check my suitcase to find many items missing. I asked him about my items of which he responded with, "Oh, it was probably the lady who lives downstairs". I didn't believe ANYTHING at that point, so while he was in the shower, I began searching for my items and found many in his Mother's dresser drawer. I shouldn't have been surprised - but I WAS hurt. After all, I came to Egypt bearing gifts for him and his family. A laptop computer (which he broke in a fit of rage) a video camera, clothes, cosmetics and perfumes for his Mother and sisters. By the way he sold everything I gave him while I was in Egypt because he said he needed money. But everyday he would place his hand on the Quran and say to me, "I LOVE you SO MUCH" and in the next breath he is punishing me. Yes, it's the typical double standard. They beat you with one hand while wanting to be perceived as" Holy" on the other.

Although this is only a HALF of my history with this man, I feel I have said enough. I have had no contact with him since my return and in NO way - will I. He does, however; continue to leave voice messages - - "I LOVE YOU and MISS YOU so MUCH" - - "When are you coming back so we can marry legally? Please can you send me money, I need to finish getting a new I.D. so we can marry - this I.D. will help me to get a job to support us" Ha! I never did understand the I.D. problem! He would always tell me he had to get an I.D. under the table because of taxes he owed from a previous employer.

I am ONLY CURIOUS at this point, but does anyone out there understand the process of how one would go about renewing their I.D. in Egypt and WHY it was always such an issue? For those of you who say "why" haven't you blocked his number? It's because I've had this same number for 20 years and I'm certainly NOT going to be a victim and change it now. He knows very well I want NOTHING to do with him as those were my EXACT words just before I boarded the plane. He will eventually get tired of the cost related expense of calling internationally and move on. Besides he claimed it was ever so easy for him to find a woman, after all: he claimed he gave up SO many RICH and BEAUTIFUL women, JUST to be with ME!!!! Imagine that! Ha! So~~~ WHAT was I? Rubbish? Ha! Quite frankly - I'm not vain, but I AM attractive! AND…..I am intelligent too - perhaps I was not so smart to get involved with him - BUT - I AM intelligent enough to STAY AWAY and NEVER return.

In closing, I'd like to "Thank" the "Daniel Pages" for opening their site for people like myself. Sharing my story in a sense has been therapeutic but most importantly I hope my experience will help others. For those who posted a "reply" while I was being held in a dark 8x8 foot hole in Egypt - I want to "Thank You Ever So Much" - just knowing you cared enough to offer your support and advice was very comforting.

Most importantly - I am LUCKY to HOME in AMERICA - I am SAFE - I am HAPPY and I am FREE!!!!

Much Love and Blessings to All!

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