Response to AnnMarie - Algerian Men

Submitted by Penelope (United Kingdom), Mar 8, 2013 at 13:07

Hi AnnMarie,

I really like your positive stance! I have a question - what have you guys done about religion and about children? I would love to gain any insight that you have.

I am with an amazing Algerian Muslim man who is fairly strict about his faith, who I stay completely myself with, and who is slowly realising that I just CAN'T change to be like him, just as I would not ask him to change to be like me. I'm English and Christian, although not strict. He knows that I will never convert and that I would not ask him to. We both live in England. He grew up in Algeria, and later spent time in France before moving here.

We are always looking for the middle ground, which is the only way forward for us as we are such opposites. The worry I have is children!

I understand how deeply ingrained in him the Muslim culture is, but absolutely cannot have a child born into it because of the restricted education the child would have about the world. Once a child is old enough to choose a religion, they can be whatever they want as far as I'm concerned, as long as we raise them to be a good person who is free to choose. Initially when we talked, he agreed with this idea, but then at some point he mentioned it to his family, (some live in the UK, some in France, and some in Algeria), and his opinion became - any child has to be Muslim.

I can't tolerate that, or the 180 shift!! We have spoken a number of times on this now, and he said he will try to think about how to be more open-minded about it because he loves me and wants to be with me. If we can never agree then we just can't have children, which is so sad.

I love him to bits, and the feeling is mutual. I wish we could get to the bottom of this now though rather than later, as it prevents me from relaxing and enjoying the relationship fully.

I'm confident that he' s not dodgy, or using me, as I'm giving him nothing of benefit other than the relationship! It feels genuine and loving, and he is so supportive of me, and very caring towards me.

He is close with his Mum and Aunt, who are very supportive of us, and advise him to do whatever makes us happy, but the males of the family are a bit of a bad influence as they seem to prefer to guide him toward the 'old ways', when he is naturally a modern man who is embracing many aspects of the Western culture. I still don't know who spoke to him about children, and haven't asked specifically as yet. (I will do at some point!)

If anyone has any insight into this situation I would be very grateful. I would lov to have kids with him one day, but only within circumstances that I am happy with.

Thanks!

Penny X

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