Reply to Becs---UK Woman, Egyptian Man, Relationship

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Feb 14, 2013 at 23:12

Well basically over this time I saw and experienced things I didn't like and couldn't see myself living with for the rest of my life. Egypt life is hard or should i say from my personal experience it was.. I felt lonely and isolated at times... The list is long..

And it hasn't changed. Things in Egypt and North Africa may get considerably worse politically, but regardless the same old scammers, liars and men who think they can use foreign women for sex will remain the same nonetheless.

But now having returned to the uk only in the last month I find myself doubting my decision which I seemed so sure about!! I have got myself a fairly good job already lined up to start in 2 weeks but in the meantime he still continues to Skype and message me constantly..

Becs, that is actually VERY normal. The users, con-artists and liars LOVE to constantly contact you even after you've pulled the plug. They do it because there is a certain rate of success with getting the person back despite everything.

I've gone through the exact same thing with women I used to date on-line. Basically, one woman I dated used my money and car to have sex with other men. After I broke it off with her, she would still try and contact me occasionally wishing me well on holidays and my guess was that she was seeing a therapist who told her to do just that.

I did eventually see her again, but then ultimately I knew it was just another sham. I think she just wanted to see me again thinking she could use my car again.

Sometimes, they'll even try and get friends or family to intercede on their behalf.

Of course I miss the companionship and of course it's hard coming back to the freezing cold and living back at home at 32 until my wage comes in and I can get a rental place.

Most people don't get over break-ups overnight. Things will warm up and with your new job, you ought to be able to find your own flat.

He begs me to come back tells me how much he loves me.. I am his whole life and he will wait forever.

That's what they all say. They also love to cry profusely, or even get angry and will go so far as to blame you (a textbook male dating technique for manipulation) or even threaten to stop talking to you if they feel they have enough of an upper hand.

He even offered to try and come and live here which before he said he wouldn't ...

I once had a woman who offered to come and live with me. We had never even met before. It just means that he is desperate and like you wisely observed, it may be his way of getting a VISA. But as Isis noted, immigrating to the UK is no easy feat.

So I doubt myself now and feel scared in case I throw away true love

You weren't happy there. Period. End of Story!

but also in the back of my mind I think he wants to get married for a visa over here now as previously a visitor visa was refused so seems impossible for him without marriage.. But I am for sure not marrying.

That is a possibility.

He is begging me to go back for 1 week holiday until I start my new job.

He can forget it because you have a new life.

Why is some stupid part of my brain thinking about this??!! When deep down I know I can never live a happy life in Egypt. I feel so lost and confused..

You answer this with the next phrase:

Had a crappy few relationships before and sometimes worry good men are hard to come by..

That is a solid reason why women go around and date men on-line from other countries in the first place. As I have often quoted dating coach Marius Panzerella: Western men are terrible at communicating with women. It's either that, or they mistreat women as evidenced on this blog.

It's a stereotype, but the claims are not without merit.

But as a woman, you've got to recognize that. If yourself or other women just follow your heart without any logic at all, then you give men the recipe they need to take over and you pretty much give them all the power. When the "nice guys" of our culture complain about how all the "jerks" get the girls, this is what they are seeking in some cases.

There are good men out there, Becs, and women who take the easy way out by letting a man lead them around (this will happen no matter how effeminate the culture thinks it is getting) without thinking or using those useful feminine instincts could very well pay a price down the road.

But I am not fat or ugly just feel I lost so much confidence over the last year.. I feel myself coming back slowly.

I see no reason to dispute that you are attractive, Becs, but see what is happening! You are being lured into this because of your uncertainty, and men who know the game pick up on that like a shark to blood. Why go back all the way to Egypt for a lousy life when things are starting up for you in the UK?

Why does the brain only seem to remember the good?? It's not fair.... Feel I can't talk to anyone who understands how I feel....

Talk on here all you want.

Any help or advice most welcome.. I appreciate brutal honesty.. I have come this far Thanks

What you need to do is cut ALL communication with him NOW. Or even yesterday. He probably won't stop. It's up to you end it. I don't care if you have to uninstall your IMs or delete your facebook, myspace, change your number or whatever.

You're 32. That's a little older than me, and I want you to ask yourself how much time and money you have to waste on people like this man. You gave it a shot. It didn't work. You don't have money for you own flat yet, which is understandable, but you're already talking about going back to Egypt?? Do you really want to go back there, realize nothing has or will change and be 35, 36 or even 40 needing to live with relatives again?

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