Had same feeling

Submitted by Maria (Germany), Jan 9, 2013 at 10:13

I was in a serious relationship with a turkish man for 1.5 years.

Im writing this to help all women and girls out there not to do the same mistake. When we met I didnt want to be in a relationship, but he was chasingv me and was insisting to be with me. And no matter how confident and secure I look in front of my friends and colleagues, deep inside I have always felt very insecure and unloved (I guess because of my father, who dies when I was a baby). I just needed this man's love, which made me blind and didnt allow me to correctly evaluate him as a person. The whole time of the relationship my gut was telling me that something is wrong. And after year and a half, after forgetting all my friends and family because of him, I realised I cant recognize myself anymore. My goals had changed, it was now more important to spend time with him rather than graduate my university. I noticed also I got ripped off of all my confidence, i was insecure as never in my life and I needed his assurance for every breath I take. I cant get in the details, but I had several psychological crises, I actually believed that I have schizophrenia. I was always guilty, i had to always apologize for his mistakes, all our friends saw me as less worth because of his charm combined with his witty manipulations. After i caught him lying to me 2 times because of a mew friend of his (girl, of course) I realised all the time he had been terrorizing my psychology. I remember things such as not giving me permission to talk, not listening to me., always reminding me of my drawbacks when i wanted to make a point in an argument, continuously speculating that our friends and family already frown upon me because of my unworthy behavior, reminding me that his friends would "never do" the things i did and so on...

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