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Responses to Guest on Iraqi Man ThreadReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Dec 15, 2012 at 12:39 Guest: You've said at least once there are "no warning signs". Here is what I have seen: 1) You are much older than he is with a child and you had not disclosed the age difference. Were you trying to hide that from us, because it was pretty obvious to me from the get-go that you were older than he was. That's very common on here and liars and scammers intentionally target older, divorced, single women with kids. From a purely marketing standpoint, they are more open to help and are seen as more vulnerable. 2) I am just a year or so younger than your man. Dating and marrying women in their mid 50s in other countries for "true love" just isn't on our radar screen. I used to have an Iraqi room-mate and several friends in college from the Middle East. Trust me, ladies, they weren't asking me where all the 45+ plus women were hanging out at. 3) In a response to Peter Hall, your post is loaded with "he said, he said". He says a lot of things, and I would bet real money not all of it is true. 4) Shia and Sunni in the same family in Iraq??-----that's really something else. 5) You decided it was time to search for information on-line because you cannot bring yourself to trust this man. That happens a lot with international, on-line dating, because you are only getting a fraction of the communication, and there isn't much difference in that regard between facebook or a chat room, other than facebook might help you if he makes a mistake, like having a bunch of female friends. 6) From an objective view, you seem to be making excuses for him maybe without realizing it in the sense that you can't explain or just are not sure about some of things he does or why. If you are using a different set of standards for this Iraqi man as opposed to an American man, that's a big warning sign because it means you are willing to use the "cultural differences" excuse to put up with questionable or bad behavior. A big overall concern on here, Guest, is that most women are 35 and older. I'd say mostly in their late 40s to early 60s. Both they and yourself did not grow up using the internet. I did. I know what kind of people you'll find on there. It's not even close to the bad barflys you'll find uptown, and it's hard at all to get in WAY over your head with people you talk to or meet on there and you really don't have to dig all that deep either. Simply put, Guest, women in your situation WANT to be found by scammers and liars. Thank you for sharing. I too find my Iraqi man to be very passionate and loving. So far I do not think all muslim men are alike. It depends on what area they are from and how they were raised. Scamming and lying is universal regardless of where someone is from. I think that is the only choice or the muslim way...but he is perfectly fine being married by a priest. so you tell me what he is about???? It sounds like he wants to get married pretty badly----and to just be married legally. Not culturally or religiously, just legally. And I think that he's trying to press you on it, even if you say you don't feel rushed. I even asked him why he doesn't find nice woman in Iraq, someone that is in his own country. He response is he cannot help who his heart wants or who he falls in love with. he said that not many people know what the true love is... That's what they all say. Man, if only I had a dollar every time I heard that. We can't control how we feel sometimes, but keep it in perspective. I wish I could explain how deep he talks and seems to feel, it is unlike anything I've seen. That I believe. American men in general are horrible at communicating with women. On-line manipulators know exactly how and what to say, especially to single women who are divorced and who have kids. That sort of communication is a science to them, with good strategy and predictable results. We have wonderful conversations, very intellectual. He is a college graduate in computer science. He is very educated. He also mentioned that he would never have believed that he would meet a woman on the internet because he said many are very dirty and he knows what they are all after. Scammers and liars on-line LOVE to talk about how dirty it all is. They'll entertain that all day. I've seen Nigerian lotto scammers do this and even women I used to talk to on-line. "Oh, yes, Luigi, those fake relationships are so stupid, vain and bad. Aren't you glad that I'm not like them?" Please. He questioned me for a long time of why I was on chat site which I will go into another time...basically I had a highschool friend on facebook that told me about the chat site and that is where I met Hussein. It was very innocent as I am not one to sit in chat rooms looking for love. I would like for you to elaborate on your comment of why he would not have girlfirends...only on the internet??? I would guess that what Isis is getting at is that if he's got a facebook profile with a bunch of female friends and little male friends, that is a big problem and an enormous warning sign. . Our first meeting he was so excited and nervous he was shaking, he wined and dined me and we had a beautiful time together. He cried when I had to leave and called me on my layover saying he could not even go back to the hotel because I was not there. He cried over the phone and said he would never ever forget me and hoped I would not forget him either. He said he could not hlep who his heart has chose to love and he knew a long distance relationship would be hard, but he would do what it takes to be with me again. They always either seem to cry or get angry. If they think you've fallen hard enough, they may even threaten to leave you to get their way. I've had women I dated on-line from other countries tell me how rude I was when they called them out on a probable or possible scam. You may be surprised at how effective it is. He has told all his friends about me. Oooo…I've heard that one before too. That's what teenagers and college-age kids say thinking it boost the intensity and/or validity of the relationship. many have spoke to me on the phone and it seems his family has accepted me as well. His sisters tell me they love me all the time and that I am lucky and he is lucky that we find such a great great love. I've been through all that myself with women I met on-line. The parents loving to have me around while the girl is just stringing the relationship along or trying to get into my wallet. And the friends. Oh, sure, they want to talk to you, but you're not dating them. I've that happen as well at least with three different women off the top of my head. If things don't work out….whose side do you think they'll be on, even if this man screws you over big time? And besides, it's not their hearts in the game. I actually prided myself on getting along well with family and even friends of the women (now that you mention it), but I finally came to realize that it wasn't them. It was about me and her, and in your case that translates to you and him. I know it sounds fairy tale...but I can't for the life of me find anything wrong with him so far (other than small flaws)..which we all have. These are not "small" flaws. These are some pretty big uncertainties. He has never asked me for anythiIng, not money, or visa....just to keep him like he keeps me and forever how long it takes, he will be waiting. They rarely will ask directly. They usually come up with some sad scenario to guilt you into giving. He believes I am his soulmate... Yeah, we all thought that too in our situations. said he can tell many things of a person's heart and he thinks I have a great heart and hoped and prayed all his life to find woman like me. I've even had a woman say that I was like a god for helping her out of a supposed financial jam. Just repeating it sounds cliche but from talking to him he is very simple person from an oppressed area. he lost friends in the war and knows of families that also had tragic loses. maybe he just sees things differently. IDK. I see. So, in other words if this guy lived down the street in the good ol USA, you'd have left him?? That's a big warning sign, because it sounds like you are using his culture as an excuse for his behaivor. this split between the Shia's and the Sunni's is more political than religious. I think my Iraqi man recognizes this and it has become a joke between he and his mother. I find it very odd that one person in the immediate family is Shia and the other Sunni. The division between those two sects is MUCH more than political. Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
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