To Jessica on Muslim man, USA

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Nov 28, 2012 at 22:11

Thanks for sharing and welcome.

First of all, just because he is here doesn't necessarily mean he isn't a scammer or liar, especially if you are familiar with his citizenship status.

It is early in the relationship, and if you sleep with him, your emotions will be muddied and it will be harder for you as a woman to determine what is really going on.

Even if you meet someone on the internet locally, you still have to careful. This site is loaded with examples of issues with international dating, and scams are a big part of that, but combined with the usual pool of liars, cheats, abusers the chance of success goes down quickly and a lot of times people realize it just isn't worth it. Or, cultural or other differences lead to the relationship not working out.

Since it is so early in the relationship, I am curious about why you are searching for this on-line. Something must have gone up in your mind to find the information and I mention this because people who are secure in their relationships do not need to be on-line asking questions on an anonymous blog.

In your case, Jessica, you have no reason to be secure or to trust him, which is another reason I strongly suggest avoiding sleeping with him again. I think that the quick pace toward intimacy has you worried and insecure when in actuality you are still in the phase of finding reasons NOT to date him. Note to readers: This is something a lot of American men don't realize women often do.

It's been a couple of weeks, and one cannot possibly gain trust, especially from the POV of woman, in that time.

I think the thing you need to be wary of is applying double standards. Don't write off bad behavior or warning signs just because he's foreign, from X country is Y religion or has Z skin colour. When you start making excuses for a man who is acting out of line, that is where trouble begins.

I also think you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that this may not work out. I have no reason to dispute that you are attractive and a good catch, but a lot of the general guidelines and warming signs are univserally applicable here.

One rule I have developed over the years when I dated/saw women I met on-line was that you cannot give even an inch or make excuses and it's important to have a healthy skeptical attitude.

Frankly, Jessica, a lot of people who date on-line do so for a reason. It could as simple as their friend persuaded them to, or that they have some kind of developmental disability/mental illness or some other reason that hampers them from interacting with people in real life, or they could be professional dating scammers and liars. Those folks do exist and they are very good at what they do as evidenced by this blog.

In my experience, a lot of the folks I've met on-line have had those issues. Some were clearly scammers. Others would just lie or wanted a rebound date or hid their true intentions. A few probably had issues that needed counseling/therapy.

The bottom line is that you must apply the same standards, and watch for the warning signs. So if he's still active a lot on the dating site, or if he has a social networking site loaded with all women who write cute comments, or if he's on-line all night local time, among other things, those are really not good signs. Rarely if ever are people completely honest on the internet (especially with dating) and if you are going to meet men on-line, just be smart and use your feminine instincts.

My final thought is that it's just early and you both rushed to bed together and/or you're being careful, but if there is something big you aren't saying on here (Be assured that I understand that it is not easy for women to come on here and that women value their privacy), I would say walk away because then it wouldn't be worth it.

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