Don't rush into anything...there is plenty of time

Submitted by Maybelline (United States), Nov 19, 2012 at 11:22

Dear Lovestruck,

Years ago I was feeling down and out and met a Muslim man. He was kind and sweet and said all the right things. He always said he'd treat me like a queen. He was there any time I needed, when I needed and was very in tuned to my feelings. I got to know him, spent some time with him and even while I was with him, he took great care of me. There were signs throughout my relationship with this man, that he was not just totally in it for love. When I didn't marry him in his country, he followed me to the USA on a temporary visa saying he needed to be with the one he loved. I started noticing he was very jealous of my little children. He hated when I spoke of them or, if I was away from them, if I missed them. He was very pushy on getting married quickly when he came. Towards the end of his visa I noticed an email from a girl...friend that said, if I didn't marry him soon enough, then this girl would out of friendship so he could stay. I asked him about it and he said it was just a joke. When he kept insisting that we get married, I finally told him that I wasn't sure if I wanted to. I made him eave and so he went to live with his cousins in California. Still he kept trying to get close to me for atleast a full three years. I found out though, he did marry that woman that had originally sent the email for a green card. He never told me for years. He acted like he was all a lone here in the states, had no money, always needed help, always...always adored me and loved me and needed me. He never wanted to take money at first but as time went on I was the cause of his f^&%% life. After several years I found out he had a green card wife, a mosque wife (yes they can take a second wife in the mosque here in the states) and well, it was all for a green card. Once I knew him I realized he never cared about women. He didn't want to be alone but he definitely wasn't the kind of man to be true to one woman. He wanted multiple sex partners at the same time. He was nasty but he hid it well, especially if you only knew him for a short time. I am talking even if you knew him two or three years, he was able to hide this. He was sending me gifts every Valentines day, birthday etc...up to three years after I met him. He screwed up though. Once when he was with me I saw a email from his mosque wife and asked him about it. He made some odd excuse. Once when I was talking to him on the telephone while we weren't together, some person asked were Amy was and that was the girl's name who had said she'd marry him for a green card. I also stopped trusting him about a year after I met him. He wouldn't add me to his Myspace account and his Facebook account and I knew he couldn't be trusted. He told me I was crazy. Even if he had added me, he'd had another account on the side. He was just that way.

I tell you this because a whole lot of Muslim men that are from other countries will do anything and say anything to get you to marry them for a green card. They will go to all extents and waste years of their lives to get what they want. There will be small signs over a long period and if you feel apprehensive at all, heed your inner feelings. You may not think they can't hurt you but once you are married to one of these men, they can take every penny from you, you are a co-sponsor as well and you are responsible for their debts. You will be billed by the Government. Most of the time the nonforeigner goes in it thinking it's real love but the foreigner goes into it knowing within ten years he will be able to work freely and live freely without having to worry about you. Since most of these men are in their early twenties to late twenties, they don't mine wasting ten years of their lives for the gold. Most won't tell you that it's okay to lie to you in Islam if they are trying to protect themselves or even you.

They can lie over and over again and never feel bad about it because it doesn't go against their religion. Most will hint that it is their right to take a second wife and yet most do not. They might say that their friend only has one wife. If you do not agree to them taking a second wife, a common practice, well Muslims can divorce their wives and remarry quite easily. All they have to do is say I divorce you three times. Oddly, one might think that Muslims can not marry more than once here in the USA but it is common practice for Muslim men living here in the USA to have a marriage through the state, as well as have others by way of the Mosque. You will probably be sharing him even if you do not live in his country. He will say it is his right and as sweet and kind as he treated you at the beginning, expect a huge change in the way things are between you, after he has you where he wants you and know that if you decide to marry a Muslim man, things are just not the same as marrying a Christian man.

Yes, we are all human but the beliefs are very different. I am married to a man from the USA. We were raised both in the Christian faith so we are very much in union on how we feel each other treated. He treats me as his best friend and yet he cherishes me more than life. I never had that with the Muslim man. When he got angry with me, he threatened. When he got tired of waiting to get married he was hard and mean. When he felt disrespected he also was unkind. He wanted things the way he wanted them and after awhile, he didn't care what I wanted or wished for. He was very selfish, inconsiderate and didn't care about anyone but himself.

If you feel unsure at all, take the time to know your man. If he loves you, he will give you all the time you need to feel secure and he will reassure you. If he doesn't, he will become pushy, mean, domineering , and threatening. I know I am just another woman with a bad experience but I never married the man. I just got to know him and didn't like what I saw. Fortunately I was wise enough not to be stupid enough to have children and go even farther with this man like others have. By the way, I heard through the grapevine that he went to a Stoke's interview this last September and was denied. Some signs to look for to know your marriage or intended is based on fraud. Are you overweight? Are you older than him? Have been married before and are now divorced? Are you married already and he is trying to destroy it...Etc...

I know you may think that what I say is cruel but Muslim men like beautiful women as all men. The man I knew resorted to marrying a severely overweight woman just to get his green card. He always refused to live with her but he told her time and time again that eventually he'd get things the way he wanted so they could have a life together. He lives like five hours from her, attends college and works. He lives close enough to her so he can always rush to see her if they had to deal with the Government or for other reasons and this woman that he married, even though she was for a green card, she cared for him and wanted him to see her as something else. She really thought her loyalty to him would win him over. After so many years of marriage, she started feeling very used and threatened him, and while he still refused to live with her, he did start sleeping with her to shut her up. This man has a real wife, had a mosque wife who had a baby for him but has since, stopped seeing him and then he has another woman he lives with for the time being. I'd say there are probably many other women in his life as well. Watch out, be careful and listen to your inner voice.

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