Hope I have never met him

Submitted by irene (Denmark), Mar 9, 2012 at 09:11

I am shocked and disgusted of what I see here, they really use the same manner to get a woman's heart and break it afterwards without any exceptions. I am one of the many who trusted in the real and devoted love and who was certain that no matter how different culture and religion influence a relationship the mutual compromises and strong affection would win and happiness is possible. Now I see how naive I was and how my story is just a part of an endless repeating plot.

When I met him I didn't even notice him, I didn't like his behavior, I was kind of frustrated because of his negative attitude and expression. Few months later I was in love with him, moved to his place and started being the person he wanted me to be. I lost my friends, I forgot who I am, what my goals are, what I want. He was controlling every single part of my day. I was under pressure even when he wasn't next to me. I was behaving like he was watching from the near corner, I became very silent, disconnected person and I hated myself for being who he needed me to be not who I was. All the lies, bad done stories, and hidden stuff started coming out so soon. I felt like I was part of a horror movie but I wasnt able to stop it, because I was weak, I was soooo in love. He was such a good player. Every time I was trying to live him he was changing my mind. Strong words, tears, long full of pain and pity conversations, dreams for a wonderful future with me. OMG I wasnt even blind. I could see and know everything. I was sure there was sth wrong, my gut feeling didnt let me to breathe freely, I was lost. I wasnt able to leave him and I couldnt see a way to stop my mind running back and forth, making conclusions and saying GO AWAY, Save Yourself. He said he wants to marry me, he said he will convert to christ if I want to, he said he wants me to be the mother of his kids. He was building a perfect world by words and promises and at the same time all the truth was coming out by his actions and inability to cover all he was hiding and lying of.

I was on my way to make up my mind to leave him when we found out that I was pregnant. I was happy, he wasnt. He said he didnt want the child, and few days earlier he was swearing the best thing to him wpuld be to see our son or daughter walking with both of us. OMG, I was crushed. I am still to much in pain and its hard for me to explain what I have been going through all the months afterwards. But I can tell I had my hell here on the earth. I couldnt imagine a human being is able to have that much heart pain and suffering. All the elements from the stories I have read here were part of mine. The same things, the same ugly way, the same killing you feelings, the same total ignorance and I dont care in his eyes.

I was sure I will die from the pain he caused me, I was sure I will not be a normal person again. But I did. I am taking care of our son now and he doesnt give a shit for us. I hope I will never see him again. Now I in a therapy because I still cant sleep and move on, two years later. I am still questioning WHY, WHY WHY. I still dont realise some people do not have souls and they do the things just to enjoy, just to play, and thats a way of life for these guys. I hope God is not blind and they all will get what they deserve, but they will never feel the same heartbreakening feelings like us, because they are heartless. I t was just a game for him, maybe he loved me truly maybe not, maybe, maybe....I am doing my best to heal, and I want to have myself back some day. But he turmed my world and perception for life the way I will never trust anyone and I will lose a lot from now trying to escape the same boom, bang, crush I have had...

I really wanted to share all of my story and my feelings here but I see I cant. Its sooo not easy for me tot alk about it. And I know I will be in tears if I will start and I will be in a deep emotional whole for a week if I will express how I felt, how he made me feel like A BIG NOTHING. I am still not ready to open my heart and to free my mind and it has been sooo long... since I started trying to...

I hope my post will make the next one to do some thinking before repeating my mistake and will hear all of us here out. I hope she will follow her intuition like we didnt and she will stop one of these vicious creatures from hurting her and making her life costs nothing...

Be careful girls and never never assume you could be lucky to be lucky having A DIFFERENT one of them. They are the same!

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