Warning signs missed and now I dont know what to do!!!!

Submitted by Louise (United Kingdom), Jan 12, 2012 at 07:36

Ive read and re read over the last 18 months how women are conned, red flags and warning sign and how there never seems to be any marriages that last, but did I take note, oh no I did have the but MMD, he seemed to be but in reality what he was doing was chipping away at a bubbly outgoing honest and kind person and moulding her into what he wanted, a wreck who never goes out, is always around when HE wants me to be and is only allowed to have my parents as my friends. The clothes I wear are wrong, even though not conservative to their standards but conservative enough for my Country, he demands money and never cares whether I have a problem here or not... his answer is the same I want a happy wife so stop thinking too much. So Id add that I never get any support at all and now I dont have the framework of friends have even less of a support than when I was single. My friends were not right for me and he said if I loved him I would stop seeing and speaking to them also.

I met him on holiday been many times before and always found the standard chatup lines to be amusing and cringeworthy but he seemed different, was a connection from the very beginning.. nothing happened and we continued contact via phone/internet.. at this point I should have walked as I had another lady who told me that he had told her they would marry and he would take her to meet his family, I believed him as she got so many details wrong and she was pratically stalking me online and calling me all the names under the sun.... so I put it down to her being a bunnyboiler... this was the biggest mistake I made and maybe if Id have walked then it might have been her or someone else that was writing this today.

I have no idea how I get out of this now as Im on the floor and he is fantastic at making me believe he has done nothing wrong and that he loves me and I end up giving him another chance.

When I met him he was charming but not sickly charming and always behaved like a gent.. he never asked for anything and said that his workmates acted disgustlingly towards western women using them for sex etc but he was different... I went back to see him and he asked me to marry him at the Embassy and I said no, it was far too soon and in the West we take our time, a document dropped out of his pocket and it was an OFRI marriage cert, created before I had got there with my name and signature forged, he told me we couldnt share an apartment without that so I agreed that it was probably the best way as I wouoldnt marry him.

He left working in Sharm as he said he couldnt keep working with other women and stayed at home, he asked for some money to be sent for his passport etc, blind stupid and not knowing prices I sent him £100, he then said he had a problem getting his passport as applying had raised the fact that he hadnt done his National Service, so he would have to do that first, looking back he went home cos he had to do National Service not cos he didnt want to work.. I visited him again just before he started his National Service and I was introduced to his family in his village, mother father, brothers sister,, aunts uncles, grandfather, I met them all but he had told them we were already married and in their eyes we shared a bedroom in their home...

He said that his parents could not afford to suppport him through his service and would I send him £100 every month for him to live on, he asked me again just before Service started would I marry him as he was afraid Id walk away and not wait but again I said NO, he has told me many times since it is my fault he is doing his service as he wouoldnt have had to if we had married.. I didnt like this idea of sending money but after pressure and being made to feel guilty I caved in and sent the money every time he was on vacation or if I was there with him at his family home which I have been 5 times over the last 14 months he has took it from my purse anyway and the money to pay for everything whilst I have been there, he has kept in contact practically on a daily basis unless he is at home on vacation and unless I go crazy he doesnt contact, or answer his phone. I can only ever speak with him when it suits him. Every time I have been, he tells me what to wear, sexy enough for him to be a strutting peacock but totaly covered up, he did tell me to cover my long blonde hair as to which I refused and thanks to his sister saying NO she doesnt have to he relented..

The last vacation he had he asked for money that I didnt have as it was Christmas and I had the yearly bills to pay ie car insurance, house insurance etc he said no problem he would sort it and he did, he borrowed it from a relative and then told me to send it over the next week, I said I cant as my daughter was going to be in hospital to which he said if you loved me you wouldnt show me up to my family.. I cried when he told me he had borrowed over £100 and giving it him would leave me so short of money and that he didnt care my daughter was in hospital, I had to send it to his mum as he said his father would never understand that he had borrowed money. I said Id only send it to your father as your mum cant write her name to pick it up so I have no idea what he told his father but he did pick it up.

Over the time he has also been in contact with an Egyptian girl from his village and said she was keeping an eye on his sister, not true, then he said he borrowed money from her and went to her home to repay it.. cant see that, then as he gave me his log in details for yahoo I checked the conversations and lo and behold he was bragging that the woman and her daughter was still giving him money... said it wasnt me but the Egyptian... and a few times he has been logging onto porn sites but its never him its always a friend that has borrowed his phone and used his email and password... he said these are things a good Muslim wouldnt do and that this was a mark against his name and Allah would punish him!!!!!!!!!!

I started reading maybe too late some of the stories and comments on here, and I thought, no I was introduced to his family, no he doesnt do that, no he hasnt asked for large amounts of money etc etc, but the truth is why ask for loads when he has a regular income coming in anyway... he has finished his service now and expects me to fly over to marry him and bring him back to my Country but I said I wont he can come as a visitor to see if he likes it, that gives me a few months extra to decide if it would work out, obviously it would be me paying for all this. Now I dont even want to spend the money on a visitors visa as I know deep in my heart that once here he will disappear.

If I try to end it, he says no I cant live without you, and I wont let you go... he does everything even his family and friends contact me.. he does become a mess and I give in and he says I make him into a good person and he needs that. He has told me that now he has finished his service we will never be apart again and there is no way I will leave Egypt without him... I will have to stay with him till his visa is ready.

I do say he has never been abusive, he is always calm, it is me that sometimes goes crazy, I have put all this to him and asked him if he has enjoyed his scam before and he was hurt but at no point made me feel as if I was unsafe... he said he wouldnt scam me as he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me and would make it up to me once we were married and he would be the one to look after me....

I have no idea now what to do and how to end this, just the thought Ive been used for a visa/money is eating me up, but part of me wants him to prove that Im being paranoid and untrusting towards him. Any advise or suggestions to move this forward before I really go insane?

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