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Turkish Men and more: Part 2

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: Turkish men and more: Part 1

Submitted by Junaid (United States), Jun 13, 2008 at 10:38

Continued from last time..

First of all, I feel for those ladies who have been manipulated by men overseas. It is perfectly normal to be disappointed, angry and more.

I think a major part of the problem is the fact that the internet is a new technology to which everybody in the world are just getting used to. We do not always know all the costs and benefits. Manipulations by men overseas are one potential problem that this blog makes evident. Therefore, as we all keep our doors locked to protect ourselves from intruders; we also need to be careful about exchanging sensitive information on the web, and must be skeptical about any information received from another party. Many of the scams take the form of offering something that the receiver is supposed to be interested in to attract attention, and are typically followed by increasingly greater demands. Acquiescing to first few small demands typically designates you as a desirable prey to be followed even more eagerly. So, as a general rule you have to be skeptical about anything that goes on in the internet. Don't forget that it is the thief's business to rob you, but it is your business to protect your property from the thief.

Many of the sorrows and disappointments listed in this blog are news to me. My personal experience is quite to the contrary. I personally know many Turkish men happily married to American women. Most of them live in the US and some of them live in Turkey.

So then why are so many ladies in this blog unhappy?

Well, part of the explanation is that only those ladies that are disappointed add posts to this blog. The happy ones, which are likely to comprise a substantial fraction of these inter-faith/inter-racial/international relationships, are going on with their lives just fine. A cat biting a man will not make it to news, but a man biting a cat will…

Second, we all know that relationships are a tricky issue in the US and everywhere else. A typical American has several boyfriends/girlfriends and even husbands/wives over the course of his/her life. If everyone was successful in their first relationship, this wouldn't be the case. In many of those cases, relationships end because of some sort of misconduct (such as cheating) on one end. Therefore, it is not surprising to me that these ladies got played by some men who might be from other countries. Men in other countries are just as bad as men in the US.

It might be true that some ladies on this blog have been conned by some men from other countries. But, I'd caution against large-scale generalizations such as "Turkish men are scums" or "Moroccan men are horrible" etc. These statements are at least as inaccurate as the following statements: "Turkish men are great" or "Moroccan men are wonderful". No country is composed of identical robots.

Now let me be more concrete about some stuff. I can say without hesitation that Turkish men and probably most middle-eastern men "love" white women, especially blonds. Many of these men fantasize about blonds. This is because there aren't as many blonds in those countries as in the West. But it is usually nothing more than pure curiosity. Therefore, I think many men would like to interact with such women without any long-term endeavors. Coupled with the widespread view in those countries that Western women are sexually quite liberal, they want to give it a try. But, most will naturally consider a relation with a woman from their own country.

Another sociological issue is the fact when growing up, a substantial share of young men in these countries do never have female friends. A consequence is the ignorance about the other sex and how to interact with them, and an associated strange behavior towards the opposite sex.

Poverty may also be important. Many young men in those countries have a very difficult time finding jobs. The possibility of a attaining a higher living standard is therefore extremely valuable for them. For example, thousands of people every year enter the US and Canadian green card lottery. Many people have probably learnt that marrying an American or a Canadian is another way to get there.

Another thing is that family relationships in these countries are a lot more tightly knit than in the West. As a result, a man's (as well as a woman's) decision might be significantly affected by his family. So, although the guy might be in sincere love with an American woman, his family might not approve it, and the guy faces a dilemma which is usually resolved in favor of the family's wishes.

I have to say that I am appalled by the idea that a man from Turkey, Morocco, or anywhere in the world would want their virtual girlfriends to send money to them. This is a clear indication of insincerity on the part of the men and ladies should never honor such demands. In those countries, men are in general supposed to take care of women. Suppose you went out on a date. The man pays the bill. So, it is really extremely weird that men would want money over the internet. Ladies should totally avoid that.

Let me stop for now. I might be able to write more later. And I am happy to answer any specific questions you may have.

Take care everyone,

Junaid

Submitting....

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